Author: Anonymous Page 145

I will be brief… not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech; he said 'I will be so brief I have already finished,' and he sat down."

Communication Speech

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors

Cloud: What’s in front of every silver lining.

Definitions

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

Some people pay their bills when due, some when overdue, and some never do.

Money

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

Age Old Situations

Don’t eat with your mouth full!

Mixed metaphors

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Communication Speech

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.

Mixed metaphors

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

“Come up to my apartment,” Tom said flatly.

Tom Swifties

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

I can syncronize with those homeless people.

Malaprops

He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.

Appearance Body Expressions

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

“I have to keep these eggs warm,” Tom said honestly.

Tom Swifties

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Mixed metaphors

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Health