Author: Anonymous Page 145

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions

Show me an archaeologist, and I’ll show you a man who practices skull drudgery.

Science/Weather Wordplay

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

Beware my friend… you are skating on hot water.

Mixed metaphors

Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.

Activities Definitions

The discovery of the preserved bodies “breathed new life into” Arctic exploration.

Mixed metaphors

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

People Sex

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Definitions

“I wonder why the hive’s still empty,” said Tom belatedly.

Tom Swifties

Abortion: Love's labor lost.

Definitions

That tickled my fancy bone.

Mixed metaphors

The town had the coldest temperature in all the contagious states.

America Malaprops Places

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with quit while you're ahead?

People Situations

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; applause during the speech is an act of hope; applause after he has concluded is an act of charity.

Communication Speech

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

Artichoke: The only vegetable you have more of when you finish eating it, than you had when you started.

Definitions

The only reason she made it to the top was because her clothes didn't.

Appearance Body Clothing Success