Author: Anonymous Page 145

I turned a blind eye to all that bad stuff I was hearing.

Mixed metaphors

God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

Beliefs God

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

You have to shoot where the fish are barking.

Mixed metaphors

Dignity: Something that can’t be preserved in alcohol.

Definitions

“Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?” asked Mary hysterically.

Tom Swifties

What comes around, is all around.

Malaprops

“3.14159265,” Tom said piously.

Tom Swifties

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

Please excuse Timmy from school Friday. He has very loose vowels.

Health Malaprops

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

Educated Man: One who has finally discovered that there are some questions to which nobody has the answers.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Alcohol Food/Drink Life

“This looks like the fruit of the blackthorn,” said Tom slowly.

Tom Swifties

Altar-Boy: A type of bicycle accident.

Definitions

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“I’m on social security,” said Tom dolefully.

Tom Swifties

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military