Author: Anonymous Page 145

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

Miscellaneous

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice for all

Mixed metaphors

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

People

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things

Consult: To seek another’s approval of a course already decided upon.

Definitions

Dreams do come through.

Malaprops

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

If that's something you expire to do.

Malaprops

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work

I'm on a wrong-way street!

Driving Malaprops

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

I want to be sure we don't build ourselves a bag of worms.

Mixed metaphors

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Malaprops

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions