Author: Anonymous Page 146

“The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm,” said Tom humorlessly.

Tom Swifties

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common… they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

Hell hath no fury like a wet cat.

Mixed metaphors

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

People

“We’ll need a higher price at auction,” Tom said morbidly.

Tom Swifties

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

Cooking Definitions

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Beliefs Proverbs

Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty.

Definitions Golf Sports

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

He is so dumb… his dog teaches him tricks.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

You hit the nail right on the nose.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve got sand in my dinner,” said Tom grittily.

Tom Swifties

Damp weather is very hard on the sciences.

Malaprops

Kleenex: Your daily nose-paper.

Definitions

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Definitions

Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.

Definitions People Work

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

I understand that Congress has taken the first step in the fight against air pollution: limiting the speeches to five minutes.

Congress Government