Author: Anonymous Page 146

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

“Eating uranium can cause strange effects,” said Tom brightly.

Tom Swifties

Even in a sewer, the cream rises to the top.

Mixed metaphors

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

After-Dinner Speaker: A fellow who rises to the occasion – and then stands too long.

Definitions

“I wonder if this will unlock the palace gates,” said Tom kinkily.

Tom Swifties

Clichés: Fixtures of speech.

Definitions Language

Bill Collector: A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.

Definitions

“My fellow Americans,” boomed Ronald Reagan, “I have just signed legislation to outlaw the state of Russia for ever…”

Tom Swifties

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

Know-it-all: One who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Definitions

Well, that’s water under the dam.

Mixed metaphors

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

“Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?” asked Tom literately.

Tom Swifties

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

He's too lazy to scratch his own ass.

Characteristics Expressions