Author: Anonymous Page 146

Never let a child wearing Superman pajamas sleep on the top bunk.

Children Family

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

Educated Man: One who has finally discovered that there are some questions to which nobody has the answers.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.

Definitions Government Politicians

He was watching me like I was a hawk.

Mixed metaphors

I have my doubts about disbelief.

Miscellaneous

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

People Sex Women

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

 “My parents are called Billy and Nanny,” Tom kidded.

Tom Swifties

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

“These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8,” said Tom bitingly.

Tom Swifties

Their relationship was purely plutonic.

Malaprops Relationships

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions

When you boil it down to its nuts and bolts

Mixed metaphors

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Work

Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.

Definitions Music

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Beliefs Intelligence Proverbs Understanding

Isn't it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?

Mixed metaphors

“Oops, I’ve ripped my pants!” was Tom’s unseemly comment.

Tom Swifties