Author: Anonymous Page 146

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions

Right between the nose

Mixed metaphors

“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.

Tom Swifties

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

This is no longer just a bubbling brook.

Malaprops

Psychology: The care of the id by the odd.

Definitions Health Science/Weather

I don't want to hold an open manhole over your head.

Mixed metaphors

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

She is so ugly… she has to trick or treat over the phone.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Courtship: When a fellow gets so wrapped up in a girl that it’s easy to tie the knot.

Definitions Relationships

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

Blurt: To speak the truth.

Definitions Speech

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

Communication Health Language

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions

“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Golf is not a game, it’s bondage; it was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.

Golf Sports

Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.

Communication Definitions Speech