Author: Anonymous Page 146

I resemble that remark!

Malaprops

I got a run in my neon stockings.

Clothing Malaprops

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Appearance Clothing

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Definitions

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

That was the last hump on the camel.

Mixed metaphors

Smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch

Appearance Expressions

“There must be a power cut,” said Tom delightedly.

Tom Swifties

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Definitions Occupations

The world is full of apathy, but I don't care.

Beliefs Opinion

“I bought myself fifty hamburgers and I’ve only ten left,” said Tom with fortitude.

Tom Swifties

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

Caterpillar: An upholstered worm.

Animals Definitions

“This mental ward is busy,” said Tom crazily.

Tom Swifties

Eskimos: God’s frozen people.

Definitions People

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions