Author: Anonymous Page 146

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

“I’ve been having an incontinence problem,” Tom gushed.

Tom Swifties

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Definitions

When I'm sick, I take Casper Oil.

Malaprops

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

Definitions Entertainment Music

I’ll push some strings for you.

Mixed metaphors

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

If you try to eat this elephant all in one bite, you’re going to have a hell of an indigestion.

Mixed metaphors

That woman's had her face lifted so many times that whenever she raises her eyebrows she pulls up her stockings.

Appearance Body

“I always eat at McDonald’s”, said Tom archly.

Tom Swifties

Anesthetic: The painkiller that crazy women refuse during labor.

Definitions

The world is full of apathy, but I don't care.

Beliefs Opinion

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

.. drawing the eye… like a magnet

Mixed metaphors

Nepotism: A form of favoritism – relatively speaking.

Definitions Family

Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.

Things

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self