Author: Anonymous Page 147

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

People

Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sixteenth Chapel.

Malaprops

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Communication Situations Speech

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Income Tax: The entry fee for the rat race.

Definitions Government Taxes

“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.

Tom Swifties

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

Definitions Lawyers

Hit the wall running…

Mixed metaphors

Everybody had some antidotes to tell.

Malaprops Speech

This is up my wheelhouse.

Mixed metaphors

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Communication

Put the trash in the Hipsy-Hampster.

Malaprops Things

We're robbing Peter to pay the piper.

Mixed metaphors

“Getting rid of acid is easy,” said Tom basically.

Tom Swifties

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

“These propulsion systems were used by NASA on moon rockets,” said Tom apologetically.

Tom Swifties

John Hurt looks like Joan of Arc, after she's burnt at stake.

Appearance Insults

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians