Author: Anonymous Page 147

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Definitions

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

“The stock market’s going up,” said Tom bullishly.

Tom Swifties

We have to get all our ducks on the same page.

Mixed metaphors

Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

Wordplay

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Education

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Definitions

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Definitions Self

If you let the cat out of the bag, how can you let sleeping dogs lie?

Mixed metaphors

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Anger Definitions Emotions

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Activities Definitions

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Emotions Love Sex

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

There is no indigestion worse that that which comes from having to eat your own words.

Communication

They start with all that sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house.

Marriage

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Communication Family Language Mothers