Author: Anonymous Page 147

Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Animals

He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.

Expressions

Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty.

Definitions Golf Sports

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“Take tea and see,” said Tom briskly.

Tom Swifties

Executive Suite: A sugar daddy.

Definitions

Keep a stiff upper chin.

Mixed metaphors

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties

He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.

Characteristics Expressions

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

I’d like to be sitting in his shoes.

Mixed metaphors

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

Nurses: Patient people.

Definitions Health Occupations

He is so stupid… mind readers charge him half price.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics

Barber: The town cutup.

Definitions Wordplay

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

People Sex

You could start an argument in an empty house.

Characteristics Expressions