Author: Anonymous Page 147

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.

Mixed metaphors

“Have you seen my collection of ancient Chinese artifacts?” asked Tom charmingly.

Tom Swifties

Inhibition: Being tied up in nots.

Definitions

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women

He was engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off.

Communication Relationships Wordplay

He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

We are beating a dead drum.

Mixed metaphors

Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around?

Insults

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.

Definitions

Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.

Definitions Government

He’s crooked as a barrel full of fish hooks.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty Insults

Their father is some kind of civil serpent.

Malaprops

Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.

Definitions

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

Tom Swifties

He is so stupid… he got fired from an M&M factory for throwing out all the W's.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Now the shoe is on the other horse!

Mixed metaphors

We are born naked, wet, and hungry; then things get worse.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws