Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 147
Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.
Anonymous
Definitions
Miser
Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.
Anonymous
Situations
Attics
“The stock market’s going up,” said Tom bullishly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
We have to get all our ducks on the same page.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.
Anonymous
Wordplay
Usher
Dog Kennel: A barking lot.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Dogs
Dog Kennel
Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.
Anonymous
Education
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Anonymous
Definitions
Avoidable
Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.
Anonymous
Sex
Abstinence
Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “
Boom Boom.
”
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
Testosterone
Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.
Anonymous
Definitions
Self
Modesty
If you let the cat out of the bag, how can you let sleeping dogs lie?
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.
Anonymous
Anger
Definitions
Emotions
Righteous indignation
Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Atrophy
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
Anonymous
Emotions
Love
Sex
Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Money
He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.
Anonymous
Appearance
Exaggerations
Ugly
There is no indigestion worse that that which comes from having to eat your own words.
Anonymous
Communication
Eating your own words
Indigestion
They start with all that sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house.
Anonymous
Marriage
Comparing marriage to hurricanes
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Anonymous
Communication
Family
Language
Mothers
Irony
Son-of-a-bitch
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