Author: Anonymous Page 147

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

“The stock market’s going up,” said Tom bullishly.

We have to get all our ducks on the same page.

Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom.

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

If you let the cat out of the bag, how can you let sleeping dogs lie?

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

There is no indigestion worse that that which comes from having to eat your own words.

They start with all that sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.