Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 147
Psychiatrist: A head coach.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
Psychiatrist
He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“Have you seen my collection of ancient Chinese artifacts?” asked Tom charmingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Inhibition: Being tied up in nots.
Anonymous
Definitions
Inhibition
Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Printers
Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.
Anonymous
Definitions
Women
Intuition
He was engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off.
Anonymous
Communication
Relationships
Wordplay
Contortionists
Engagement
He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.
Anonymous
Appearance
Exaggerations
Ugly
We are beating a dead drum.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around?
Anonymous
Insults
Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.
Anonymous
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Electile Dysfunction
“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.
Anonymous
Definitions
Gardens
Grass
Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Dictatorship
He’s crooked as a barrel full of fish hooks.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Expressions
Honesty
Insults
Cheat
Liars
Not to be trusted
Their father is some kind of
civil
serpent.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Servant
Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.
Anonymous
Definitions
Forger
“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
He is so stupid… he got fired from an M&M factory for throwing out all the W's.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Intelligence
Stupidity
Now the shoe is on the other horse!
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
We are born naked, wet, and hungry; then things get worse.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Murphy’s Laws
Birth
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