Author: Anonymous Page 147

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

The beer flowed like wine.

Mixed metaphors

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

Activities Games

Pessimist: A person who looks at a doughnut and sees nothing but the hole.

Definitions

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.

Health

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

“I’m in the shower,” called out Tom barely audible.

Tom Swifties

Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.

Definitions

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Emotions Fear Happiness

He's going up and down like a metronome.

Malaprops

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

He’d steal flies from a blind spider.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Creditor: A man who has a better memory than a debtor.

Definitions

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old

Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Death Definitions Life

I can read him like the back of my book.

Mixed metaphors

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather