Author: Anonymous Page 148

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Beliefs Proverbs

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Apparently: As either mother or father would do it.

Definitions

He experienced some rectal breeding.

Malaprops

“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.

Tom Swifties

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

Nail our fingers to the mast

Mixed metaphors

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.

Definitions Intelligence

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

It's like ice cold electricity passing through your body.

Mixed metaphors

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

Definitions

Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Appearance Definitions

Don't corner something that is meaner than you.

Expressions Situations

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.

Mixed metaphors

She is so old… she's in God's year book.

Age Exaggerations Old

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

“I’m losing my hair,” Tom bawled.

Tom Swifties

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors