Author: Anonymous Page 148

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

“I clubbed a diamondback snake with a spade,” Tom said heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

Miscellaneous

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.

Tom Swifties

If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Mixed metaphors

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Activities

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I’ve transferred my money back into a German bank account,” Tom remarked with interest.

Tom Swifties

“I was absolutely vitrified,” said Tom with a glazed look.

Tom Swifties

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Definitions

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

Don't bite the hand that lays the golden egg.

Mixed metaphors

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Work

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time