Author: Anonymous Page 148

“Bad marksmanship,” the hunter groused.

Tom Swifties

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.

Appearance Expressions

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Alcohol Food/Drink Life

He is so stupid… he thought Johnny Cash was a pay toilet.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“Nobody has scored yet in the tennis game,” said Tom lovingly.

Tom Swifties

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

Night Club: A place where they take the rest out of restaurant and put the din in dinner.

Definitions Places

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

“I’m waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.

Beliefs Communication

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

“My neurotic blood-sucking arachnid has put on weight”, said Tom, his nervous tic showing again.

Tom Swifties

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

He was in cardial arrest.

Health Malaprops

“Everything in Texas is bigger,” he said in measured tones; “Even the cowboys,” he continued hoarsely.

Tom Swifties

Quit your procrasterbating and go talk to him.

Malaprops

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m your mother’s brother’s father-in-law’s son,” Tom related.

Tom Swifties