Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 148
Derange: Where de buffalo roam.
Anonymous
Definitions
Derange
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… but I laugh more.
Anonymous
Emotions
Laughter
I’ll get it by hook or ladder.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Keepsake: Something given us by someone we’ve forgotten.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Keepsake
He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Educated Man: One who has finally discovered that there are some questions to which nobody has the answers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Intelligence
Wisdom
Educated Man
He was in
cardial
arrest.
Anonymous
Health
Malaprops
Cardiac
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Manners
Reflexes
Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Batteries
Flashlight
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
Anonymous
Emotions
Happiness
Marriage
Wives
As useless as a pocket on a cow
Anonymous
Expressions
Useless
Sales Resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sales Resistance
Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first
Anonymous
Definitions
Argument
You're sailing close to thin ice.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sympathy
Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.
Anonymous
Definitions
Mission Statement
He's going up and down like a
metronome.
Anonymous
Malaprops
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Anonymous
Time
Bathroom
He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.
Anonymous
Expressions
Dishonest
“It’s twelve noon,” Tom chimed in.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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