Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 148
“Orgasms are overrated”, said Tom anticlimactically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.
Anonymous
Sports
Wordplay
Skiing
The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.
Anonymous
Situations
Sleep
Erections
Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.
Anonymous
Definitions
Insurance
Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.
Anonymous
Definitions
He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Expressions
Honesty
Behavior
“I just bought a woollen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
Anonymous
Definitions
Friends
People
Woodpecker: A knocking bird.
Anonymous
Definitions
Woodpecker
“The jelly is 50% set”, Tom affirmed.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.
Anonymous
Accidents
Age
Beliefs
Old
Falling
Alphabet: A toy for children found in books, blocks, pictures, and some soup.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Language
Alphabet
“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
You don't have to beat it with a dead horse.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“So this is your new computer!” said Tom calculatingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
The [outdoor] sculpture park has opened its doors for the summer.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Paunch: A bulging trunk.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Paunch
Homer also wrote the
Oddity.
Anonymous
Books
Malaprops
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Odyssey
Dandruff: Chips off the old block.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dandruff
Ornery as an old pine knot
Anonymous
Expressions
Bad-tempered
Grumpy
Ornery
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