Author: Anonymous Page 148

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… but I laugh more.

I’ll get it by hook or ladder.

Keepsake: Something given us by someone we’ve forgotten.

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.

Educated Man: One who has finally discovered that there are some questions to which nobody has the answers.

He was in cardial arrest.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

As useless as a pocket on a cow

Sales Resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

You're sailing close to thin ice.

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

He's going up and down like a metronome.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

“It’s twelve noon,” Tom chimed in.