Author: Anonymous Page 148

“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.

Tom Swifties

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

“Employees are not permitted to have sex on company furniture,” Tom shouted, banging on the table.

Tom Swifties

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

Uncategorized

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

“Oops, I’ve ripped my pants!” was Tom’s unseemly comment.

Tom Swifties

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

“I ain’t afraid of those white men,” said Cochise bravely.

Tom Swifties

I can’t make these split-minute decisions.

Mixed metaphors

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Actions speak louder than words — but not so often.

Communication

Not enough to say grace over.

Expressions Food/Drink

“The insect in William’s hand is wearing a yarmulka!” said Tom jubilantly.

Tom Swifties