Author: Anonymous Page 148

“Orgasms are overrated”, said Tom anticlimactically.

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

“I just bought a woollen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Woodpecker: A knocking bird.

“The jelly is 50% set”, Tom affirmed.

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Alphabet: A toy for children found in books, blocks, pictures, and some soup.

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

You don't have to beat it with a dead horse.

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

“So this is your new computer!” said Tom calculatingly.

The [outdoor] sculpture park has opened its doors for the summer.

Paunch: A bulging trunk.

Homer also wrote the Oddity.

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Ornery as an old pine knot