Author: Anonymous Page 148

“Orgasms are overrated”, said Tom anticlimactically.

Tom Swifties

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

Beliefs Expressions Honesty

“I just bought a woollen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.

Tom Swifties

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Definitions Friends People

Woodpecker: A knocking bird.

Definitions

“The jelly is 50% set”, Tom affirmed.

Tom Swifties

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Accidents Age Beliefs Old

Alphabet: A toy for children found in books, blocks, pictures, and some soup.

Communication Definitions Language

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

Tom Swifties

You don't have to beat it with a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

“So this is your new computer!” said Tom calculatingly.

Tom Swifties

The [outdoor] sculpture park has opened its doors for the summer.

Mixed metaphors

Paunch: A bulging trunk.

Appearance Body Definitions

Homer also wrote the Oddity.

Books Malaprops Reading/Writing

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Definitions

Ornery as an old pine knot

Expressions