Author: Anonymous Page 149

A duck on a hot tin roof.

Mixed metaphors

“Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.

Tom Swifties

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Definitions

I thought it might be a good idea for you to check base with him.

Mixed metaphors

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time

Artichoke: The only vegetable you have more of when you finish eating it, than you had when you started.

Definitions

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

“A dog bit me,” said Tom rabidly.

Tom Swifties

A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.

Family Money Relationships

Let's bury this dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

“I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner,” said Tom succinctly.

Tom Swifties

X: The signature of a happy man.

Definitions

Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Definitions Language

Pedal stool.

Malaprops

“I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures,” said Tom autobiographically.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

I went skiing last week and broke a leg… fortunately it wasn’t mine.

Sports

They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.

Mixed metaphors