Author: Anonymous Page 149

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

Appearance Body Expressions

“My giant sea creature died,” Tom wailed blubberingly.

Tom Swifties

Do you follow where I'm coming from?

Mixed metaphors Understanding

Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Definitions Occupations

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

Definitions

“I pulled a hamstring,” said Tom limply.

Tom Swifties

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever – but would rather not.

Age

Angler: A man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.

Activities Definitions

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

“I guess she fell off the motorcycle,” said Tom ruthlessly.

Tom Swifties

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work

We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.

Conflict Killing

… forced to wade through a mountain of red tape

Mixed metaphors

Love: Oceans of emotions surrounded by expanses of expenses.

Definitions Emotions Love

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

It was so cold… my shadow froze to the sidewalk.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops

Kill two cats with one bag.

Mixed metaphors

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors