Author: Anonymous Page 149

It takes a real talent to be able to apologize in a manner that makes the offended person feel guilty.

Characteristics Communication

Once the horse is out of the barn, you can't put him back again.

Mixed metaphors

Right there on the tip of my brain

Mixed metaphors

The reason they call if ‘golf’ is that all the other four-letter words were used up.

Golf Sports

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

Book Jacket: A fable of contents.

Definitions

“I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.

Tom Swifties

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Communication Mistakes Problems

Consultant: Someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Definitions

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors

If you could get it working I'd be internally grateful.

Malaprops

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Sometimes they bite the farm.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m wearing my wedding ring”, said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Our ship was caught in a typhoid.

Malaprops

I turned a blind eye to all that bad stuff I was hearing.

Mixed metaphors

Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Definitions Occupations

She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.

Mixed metaphors