Author: Anonymous Page 149

I want to be sure we don't build ourselves a bag of worms.

Mixed metaphors

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Tom Swifties

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Anger Characteristics Emotions

Infant Prodigies: Young people with highly imaginative parents.

Children Definitions Family

The doctor felt the man's purse and thought it was awfully low.

Health Malaprops

“Don’t you know my name?” asked Tom swiftly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

Silence: True wisdom’s best reply.

Definitions Wisdom

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Sympathizer: A fellow that’s for you as long as it doesn’t cost anything.

Definitions

Don't corner something that is meaner than you.

Expressions Situations

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

My husband and I have a monotonous relationship.

Malaprops Relationships

I went skiing last week and broke a leg… fortunately it wasn’t mine.

Sports

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

Definitions People

The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.

Beliefs Children Family Intelligence Opinion

Experience: What you get from being inexperienced.

Definitions