Author: Anonymous Page 149

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions

Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it.

Communication Speech

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.

Tom Swifties

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Characteristics Expressions Work

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Definitions Money

“I just came in through the door,” said Tom, entranced.

Tom Swifties

“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

“I have those totals for you”, Tom added.

Tom Swifties

Sex is natural, but not if it's done right.

Sex

Hospital Bed: A parked taxi with the meter running.

Definitions

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Definitions Emotions Happiness

The less a person knows, the more he wants to tell it.

Fools Intelligence

 “I’m just going to put these handcuffs on you,” said Tom manically.

Tom Swifties

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

Can’t act… slightly bald… also dances.

Acting Dance Entertainment

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Characteristics

Running around like a chicken with its legs cut off

Mixed metaphors