Author: Anonymous Page 149

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Age Definitions

I wouldn't trust him with my bargepole.

Mixed metaphors

Consultant: Someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Definitions

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

Education Insults

“That’s already been taken care of,” Tom pretended.

Tom Swifties

Kill two cats with one bag.

Mixed metaphors

Faster than a dog's tail in a meat market.

Expressions Time

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

Beware my friend… you are skating on hot water.

Mixed metaphors

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

If she was cast as Lady Godiva the horse would steal the show.

Acting Entertainment Insults

“I’ve joined the navy,” Tom said fleetingly.

Tom Swifties

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Definitions

Eulogy: Praise that’s too much and too late.

Death Definitions

Convict: The only person who likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence.

Crime Definitions

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Mixed metaphors