Author: Anonymous Page 15

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Life: Coming into the world wit nothing, leaving with nothing and, in between, giving everything to the IRS.

Definitions Life Taxes

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

A rolling stone is worth two in the bush.

Mixed metaphors

Freelance: To collect unemployment.

Definitions Work

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Insults Intelligence

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

“I’m the butcher’s assistant,” said Tom cuttingly.

Tom Swifties

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Characteristics Expressions Work

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

It could turn on a dime like a stallion.

Mixed metaphors

It's hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell.

Expressions Heat Science/Weather

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Definitions

He goes to church on Sunday, steals chickens on Monday.

Beliefs Expressions Honesty

You could take that guy with a grain a salt.

Mixed metaphors

That room was so small you couldn’t cuss a cat without gettting fur in your mouth!

Expressions

Man was predestined to have free will.

Miscellaneous

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

Cooking Definitions

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink