Author: Anonymous Page 15

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Emotions Love Sex

Fore: A golf bawl.

Definitions Golf Sports

“I wish I had something to write with,” Tom said pensively.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.

Tom Swifties

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Malaprops

You’ve really put your finger on the nail there.

Mixed metaphors

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Communication Men Speech Women

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Proverbs Situations Time

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Food/Drink Marriage

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

“Zoos are a necessary evil, I think,” said Tom cagily.

Tom Swifties

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Appearance Body Language

It's like locking the barn door after the nuts have bolted.

Mixed metaphors

Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

Activities Definitions

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

I’d like to be sitting in his shoes.

Mixed metaphors

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

Expressions

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music