Author: Anonymous Page 15

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

With Lenny in, Carl will fold like a domino!

Mixed metaphors

If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Mixed metaphors

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

“This Bud’s for you,” said Tom lightly.

Tom Swifties

He looked very thin and emancipated.

Appearance Body Malaprops

“I’ve an urgent appointment,” said Tom in Russian.

Tom Swifties

Like all self-made men he worships his creator.

Insults Reviews/Criticism

You’re the sort of person Dr. Spooner would have called a shining wit!

Insults

Up a tree without a paddle

Mixed metaphors

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

We are just scratching the tip of the iceberg.

Mixed metaphors

As proud as pea soup.

Mixed metaphors

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Government Intelligence Law

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Definitions Past Time Work

Garden: Something that dies if you don’t water it, and rots if you do.

Definitions

“That painting makes me laugh”, Tom articulated.

Tom Swifties

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.

Beliefs Communication