Author: Anonymous Page 15

Alone… in bad company

Insults

Hold the Farm!

Mixed metaphors

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

We could stand here and talk until the cows turn blue.

Mixed metaphors

You could just charm the dew off of a honey suckle.

Expressions

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

Middle Age: A time of life when winking at a girl is closing one eye to reality.

Age Definitions

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

“I just bought a woollen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.

Tom Swifties

I wish I could play my normal game… just once.

Golf Sports

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.

Definitions Entertainment Television

Foot: A politician’s pacifier.

Definitions Politicians

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Definitions Doctors Health

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops

Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.

Definitions

Up a tree without a paddle.

Mixed metaphors

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

People have the persona that all Texans wear cowboy hats.

Beliefs Malaprops Opinion

“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.

Tom Swifties