Author: Anonymous Page 15

Life’s all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to get it.

Life

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

Consultant: Someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Definitions

Analysis: An excuse to take something to pieces to see how it works.

Definitions

“I am not full of hot air,” Tom belched.

Tom Swifties

Arson: Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage.

Definitions

“The average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz,” said Tom in measured tones.

Tom Swifties

My husband was chosen as a wheelbarrow for his friend's funeral.

Malaprops

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

Expressions

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

Money Wealth Work

“Bad marksmanship,” the hunter groused.

Tom Swifties

It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.

Mixed metaphors

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

 “My parents are called Billy and Nanny,” Tom kidded.

Tom Swifties

Do not argue with an idiot; he/she will drag you down to his/her level and beat you with experience.

Fools Intelligence People

He wuz smilin' like a rat eatin onions.

Miscellaneous

Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Definitions

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops