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He was grinnin like a possum eatin a sweet tater.

Expressions

They live so deep in the woods they kept possums as yard dogs.

Animals Expressions Places Situations

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Boss: A person who comes early to see who comes late.

Definitions Work

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Proverbs Situations Time

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Health

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

People

Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Definitions

Shakespeare: A man whose writings are so excellent it’s believed someone else must have written them.

Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Hole-In-One: An occurrence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole on a single shot by a golfer playing alone.

Definitions Golf Sports

I'd like to give you a going-away present… but you have to do your part.

Insults

“This boat is leaking,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

I will be brief… not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech; he said 'I will be so brief I have already finished,' and he sat down."

Communication Speech

That's a huge weight lifted off my head.

Mixed metaphors

Bigamist: A man who who has had one too many.

Definitions Marriage

Show me an archaeologist, and I’ll show you a man who practices skull drudgery.

Science/Weather Wordplay

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

Selfishness: A state of mine.

Definitions