Author: Anonymous Page 150

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Situations

“Get out of my hair,” was Tom’s brush-off.

Tom Swifties

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.

Tom Swifties

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Marriage

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

Taking the bull with both feet

Mixed metaphors

“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.

Tom Swifties

The whole can of wax

Mixed metaphors

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

Definitions

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

Diplomat: If you have the advantage over someone, and you lead him to think that he has the advantage over you, without giving him the chance to take advantage of you.

Definitions Government

Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Definitions

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

He's grinning like a possum eating a persimmon.

Appearance Expressions

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

I’d have to get better just to die.

Expressions Health