Author: Anonymous Page 150

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

“Get out of my hair,” was Tom’s brush-off.

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Taking the bull with both feet

“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.

The whole can of wax

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Diplomat: If you have the advantage over someone, and you lead him to think that he has the advantage over you, without giving him the chance to take advantage of you.

Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

He's grinning like a possum eating a persimmon.

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

I’d have to get better just to die.