Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 150
“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Anonymous
Situations
Desks
Organized
“Get out of my hair,” was Tom’s brush-off.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Language
Interpreter
“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
Marriage
Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Freudian Slip
Taking the bull with both feet
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
The whole
can
of wax
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.
Anonymous
Definitions
Kleptomaniac
When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.
Anonymous
Fools
Intelligence
Diplomat: If you have the advantage over someone, and you lead him to think that he has the advantage over you, without giving him the chance to take advantage of you.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Diplomat
Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
Anonymous
Definitions
Euphemisms
There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Money
Optimism
Pessimism
Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Auctioneer
“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
He's grinning like a possum eating a persimmon.
Anonymous
Appearance
Expressions
Grinning
Smiling
Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bulletin
I’d have to get better just to die.
Anonymous
Expressions
Health
Being very sick
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