Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Thursday, April 3, 2025
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Author: Anonymous Page 150
“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
I was
beaming
at the seams!
Anonymous
Malaprops
Bursting
Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.
Anonymous
Books
Education
Men
People
Reading/Writing
Textbooks
“Have some shampoo,” was Tom’s unconditional offer.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
I'll bet she has her clothes made by
Orville,
the tent maker.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Omar
Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomacy
Critic: One quick-on-the-flaw.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Critic
Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.
Anonymous
Definitions
Manners
“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful,” said Tom gracefully.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
People are dying like hotcakes.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.
Anonymous
Education
School
Graduate school
“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
People
Women
Gold Digger
Bigotry is being certain of something you know nothing about.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Bigotry
Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Abdicate
Twins: Womb-mates.
Anonymous
Definitions
Twins
Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Communist
Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Sleep
Snoring
Sound Sleeper
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