Author: Anonymous Page 150

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.

Tom Swifties

I was beaming at the seams!

Malaprops

Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

Books Education Men People Reading/Writing

“Have some shampoo,” was Tom’s unconditional offer.

Tom Swifties

I'll bet she has her clothes made by Orville, the tent maker.

Malaprops

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

Critic: One quick-on-the-flaw.

Definitions Occupations

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful,” said Tom gracefully.

Tom Swifties

People are dying like hotcakes.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.

Education School

“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.

Tom Swifties

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women

Bigotry is being certain of something you know nothing about.

Beliefs

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions

Twins: Womb-mates.

Definitions

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep