Author: Anonymous Page 150

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

“I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.

I was beaming at the seams!

Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

“Have some shampoo,” was Tom’s unconditional offer.

I'll bet she has her clothes made by Orville, the tent maker.

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Critic: One quick-on-the-flaw.

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful,” said Tom gracefully.

People are dying like hotcakes.

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.

“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Bigotry is being certain of something you know nothing about.

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Twins: Womb-mates.

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.