Author: Anonymous Page 151

I like a lot of partisan cheese on my pizza.

Food/Drink Malaprops

Damp weather is very hard on the sciences.

Malaprops

Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Appearance Definitions

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

“Another work week begins,” said Tom mundanely.

Tom Swifties

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

He was a very immortal person.

Characteristics Malaprops

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Fools Intelligence

“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.

Tom Swifties

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Definitions People

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

Virginity is a balloon in the carnival of life, that vanishes with the first prick.

Sex

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Situations Time

“The vegetables are overcooked!” she steamed.

Tom Swifties

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

Activities Definitions

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People