Author: Anonymous Page 151

A sandwich is an attempt to make both ends meat.

Food/Drink

Kicking off the hockey season

Mixed metaphors

With Lenny in, Carl will fold like a domino!

Mixed metaphors

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Vacuum Cleaner: A sonic broom.

Definitions Things

He's between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Mixed metaphors

Compromise: A deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted.

Definitions

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion

What comes around, is all around.

Malaprops

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

They have come up with a perfect understanding; he won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

Husbands Marriage Wives

“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.

Tom Swifties

Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours.

Definitions

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Problems Situations

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

He's got too many oars in the fire.

Misspokements

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

Definitions Opinion

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God