Author: Anonymous Page 151

The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Success

Harpist: A plucky musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Definitions Government Taxes

Take time to stop and smell the tunnel at the end of the rainbow.

Mixed metaphors

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Definitions

Tips: Wages we pay other people’s help.

Definitions

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

Too slow to keep worms in a tin.

Intelligence People Stupidity

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

“I have a delivery of shoes for the prisoners,” said Tom consolingly.

Tom Swifties

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.

Money Things

“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.

Tom Swifties

“The cat sounds as if she’s happy now she’s been fed,” said Tom purposefully.

Tom Swifties

Time rolled up like a scroll, while the plague nibbled at the edges of their years.

Mixed metaphors

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

Character: What you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

Definitions

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions