Author: Anonymous Page 151

Whether the glass is half-full or half empty, depends on whether you are drinking or pouring.

Situations

When it comes to giving—some people stop at nothing.

Characteristics Money People

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Did you hear what they feel?

Mixed metaphors

Small Town: A place where nothing happens every minute.

Definitions Places

“But a totalitarian government could remove all trace of my ever having existed!” said Tom unpersonably.

Tom Swifties

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

People

“I can see because I have actual visual organs,” Tom realized.

Tom Swifties

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

Cut the biblical cord.

Malaprops

Make no delusions about the past!

Malaprops

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Fools Intelligence

“I didn’t do well in the test,” Tom said degradedly.

Tom Swifties

As much fun as shooting monkeys in a barrel.

Mixed metaphors

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions

Karaoke: Japanese for “Drunk with Microphone.”

Definitions Entertainment

On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.

Misspokements

Kicking off the hockey season

Mixed metaphors

“I can eat one hundred and forty-four,” Tom boasted grossly.

Tom Swifties