Author: Anonymous Page 152

“I won’t tell you anything about my salivary glands,” said Tom secretively.

Tom Swifties

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

“The prisoners set up a company,” the warden confirmed.

Tom Swifties

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

“If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse,” Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives

He’d fight an anvil.

Characteristics Expressions

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

Definitions

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.

Tom Swifties

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Oh, for I minute there, I thought I was illuminating.

Malaprops

“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.

Tom Swifties

Post Office: U.S. Snail.

Communication Definitions

The only man who can fool all the women all the time is a fashion designer.

Appearance Clothing People Women

Reoriented: Sent back to China.

Definitions Wordplay