Author: Anonymous Page 152

I put the pro in procrastinate.

Characteristics

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

“Now I can do some painting,” said Tom easily.

Tom Swifties

Broom: Witch craft.

Definitions

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

I dropped the toothpaste,” said Tom, crestfallen.

Tom Swifties

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars

Men People Women

She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.

Mixed metaphors

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Characteristics People

They'll have to retaliate the vote.

Malaprops

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

It is so flat, you can stand on a milk crate and watch your dog run away for three days.

Expressions Places

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Marriage

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions

“I’m a lot taller than I was yesterday,” said Tom gruesomely.

Tom Swifties

The fights you avoid do you far more good than the ones you will win.

Conflict Fights Proverbs

It’s better to have half a cake and eat it and enjoy it, than not to have any cake at all.

Mixed metaphors