Author: Anonymous Page 153

“I’ve thought of another exception,” Tom rebutted.

Tom Swifties

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

Jesus loves him, but he is the only one.

Expressions

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Characteristics Expressions Work

“This blood-sucking insect likes French cheese,” said Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

“I had an accident in the kitchen,” said Tom with panache.

Tom Swifties

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Definitions People

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

“Bad marksmanship,” the hunter groused.

Tom Swifties

“Don’t call me a oddball,” Tom replied evenly.

Tom Swifties

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

Get the kinks rolling

Mixed metaphors

“Employees are not permitted to have sex on company furniture,” Tom shouted, banging on the table.

Tom Swifties

A seven pound baby arrived last night to frighten the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Sherman Caswell.

Malaprops

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Communication Mistakes Problems

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions