Author: Anonymous Page 153

Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty.

Definitions Golf Sports

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Definitions Doctors Health

He was grinning like a butchers dog.

Emotions Expressions Happiness

Discretion: A sense that comes to a man too late to do him any good.

Definitions

He couldn’t find his ass with a flashlight and a roadmap.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.

Tom Swifties

“I have a delivery of shoes for the prisoners,” said Tom consolingly.

Tom Swifties

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

Show me an archaeologist, and I’ll show you a man who practices skull drudgery.

Science/Weather Wordplay

“Boy, will I give you a haircut!” said Tom barbarously.

Tom Swifties

Take the ball by the horns and run with it.

Mixed metaphors

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.

Golf Sports

Up a tree without a paddle

Mixed metaphors

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

He looked very thin and emancipated.

Appearance Body Malaprops

“I’ve transferred my money back into a German bank account,” Tom remarked with interest.

Tom Swifties

Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in!

Situations

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous