Author: Anonymous Page 153

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

“That’s not how you draw a circle,” he criticized her roundly.

Tom Swifties

Constant change is here to stay.

Situations

It was so cold… my shadow froze to the sidewalk.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

A missionary is a person who teaches cannibals to say grace before they him.

People

He is so stupid… it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

It was a very heart-rendering story.

Emotions Malaprops

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

“Let’s all play an A, a C#, and an E”, cried the band with one accord.

Tom Swifties

Hunch: What you call an idea that you’re afraid is wrong.

Definitions

John Hurt looks like Joan of Arc, after she's burnt at stake.

Appearance Insults

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

He is so short… he poses for trophies.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

They are crumbling at the seams.

Mixed metaphors

She has a four-pocket backend.

Appearance Expressions Fat

“The insect in William’s hand is wearing a yarmulka!” said Tom jubilantly.

Tom Swifties

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.

Definitions People

Cleopatra: Queen of denial.

Definitions