Author: Anonymous Page 153

Keepsake: Something given us by someone we’ve forgotten.

Definitions Things

Education: One of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Definitions Education

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Let's make sure we're all talking off the same sheet of music.

Mixed metaphors

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

I've hit the nail on the jackpot.

Misspokements

A journey of a thousand miles keeps the doctor away.

Mixed metaphors

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

Age Old Situations

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Activities Definitions Drugs Science/Weather

He was in cardial arrest.

Health Malaprops

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.

Tom Swifties

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

Bore: A person who takes his time taking your time.

Definitions

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women