Author: Anonymous Page 154

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Communication Definitions Speech

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

If wishes were horses, some folks would need a lot of hay.

Miscellaneous

A committee of three gets things done if two don’t show up.

Murphy’s Laws People

Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.

Definitions

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

People

He's grinning like a mule eating briars.

Appearance Emotions Expressions Happiness

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

“Orgasms are overrated”, said Tom anticlimactically.

Tom Swifties

Always try to be modest… and be VERY proud of it!

Characteristics

The ambition of every small boy is to wash his mother’s ears.

Children Family

“The radio reception is much better now,” said Tom ecstatically.

Tom Swifties

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

Appearance Body Definitions

Spinster: An unlusted number.

Definitions People Women

“I’m taking this ship back into harbor,” Tom reported.

Tom Swifties

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Before arguing with your boss, make absolutely sure you’re right – then let the matter drop.

Beliefs