Author: Anonymous Page 154

Parking Space: An unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire hydrant.

Definitions

Never let a child wearing Superman pajamas sleep on the top bunk.

Children Family

It’s better to have half a cake and eat it and enjoy it, than not to have any cake at all.

Mixed metaphors

The only reason she made it to the top was because her clothes didn't.

Appearance Body Clothing Success

Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

“Zoos are a necessary evil, I think,” said Tom cagily.

Tom Swifties

Cold War: Hot peace.

Conflict Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

He’s like a duck out of water.

Mixed metaphors

Spanking: Stern punishment.

Definitions

Vacation: A change of routine that makes you feel good enough to go back to work and poor enough to have to.

Definitions

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

“I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.

Tom Swifties

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

Minister: A travel agent for the straight and narrow.

Definitions

He is so fat… when his beeper goes off, people think he's backing up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties