Author: Anonymous Page 154

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

He ran a cottage industry from his garden shed.

Mixed metaphors

Ignorance is golden.

Mixed metaphors

Let’s get down to brass tax.

Malaprops Situations

Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else’s position.

Marriage Sex

“I’m just an average guy,” said Tom meanly.

Tom Swifties

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“It’s not a candy mint, it’s a breath mint”, Tom asserted.

Tom Swifties

Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sixteenth Chapel.

Malaprops

“I really don’t like tending the garden,” he said witheringly.

Tom Swifties

You have to shoot where the fish are barking.

Mixed metaphors

Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.

Definitions

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Success

She is so stupid… she can’t make ice without a recipe.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

World: A place that was built in six days – and looks it.

Definitions Places World

Executive Shakeup: Title wave.

Definitions

“I’d like to be a Chinese laborer,” said Tom coolly.

Tom Swifties

Adolescence: When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how.

Age Definitions

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions