Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 154
“We’d like a table for two,” said Tom without reservation.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Bad Driver: The person you run into.
Anonymous
Autos
Definitions
Things
Bad Driver
Television: A watching machine.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Television
“I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures,” said Tom autobiographically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” said Mary guilelessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Orthodox: Bone doctors.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Orthodox
Specialist: A man who knows more and more about less and less.
Anonymous
Definitions
Specialist
“Getting rid of acid is easy,” said Tom basically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
The early worm is being picked first.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Mother-in-law
“Ought I to do this?” asked Tom with a shudder.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.
Anonymous
Definitions
Lawyers
Shyster
It'll be a cold day in January when that happens!
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Tact
Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
Sex
Vacuum Cleaner: A sonic broom.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Vacuum Cleaner
Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.
Anonymous
Sex
Abstinence
What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity.
Anonymous
Insults
Intelligence
Stupidity
Bad spellers of the world, untie!
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Spelling
Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Self
Narcissist
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