Author: Anonymous Page 155

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

They’re clearly up the creek without a leg to stand on

Mixed metaphors

“Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t….,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

A sure sign of bureaucracy is when the first person who answers the phone can’t help you.

Government

Don’t be discouraged if your children reject your advice; years later they will offer it to their offspring.

Beliefs Children Family Opinion

It's a big nut to swallow.

Mixed metaphors

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory

Expressions

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government

You have to shoot where the fish are barking.

Mixed metaphors

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

“I can’t do it!” Tom said notably.

Tom Swifties

Harpist: A plucky musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

“Bad marksmanship,” the hunter groused.

Tom Swifties

“I don’t like going to museums,” he said artlessly.

Tom Swifties

He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.

Characteristics Expressions

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.

Definitions Government