Author: Anonymous Page 155

The acrobats are performing freaks at the circus.

Entertainment Malaprops

“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.

Tom Swifties

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Definitions People

Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

Definitions Wordplay

Like a four-horned billy goat

Expressions

Gluttony: A sign something is eating us.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

He had to use a fire distinguisher.

Malaprops

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

Definitions Marriage

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Malaprops

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions Food/Drink

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.

Activities Definitions Sleep

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

“The optician probably doesn’t have my glasses ready yet,” Tom speculated.

Tom Swifties

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

Money roots out all evil.

Mixed metaphors

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's too late to close the barn door.

Mixed metaphors

Graffiti: Urban scrawl.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women