Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 155
The acrobats are performing
freaks
at the circus.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Malaprops
Circus
Feats
“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Neighbors
Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Heir Fare
Like a four-horned billy goat
Anonymous
Expressions
Proud
Showing off
Gluttony: A sign something is eating us.
Anonymous
Definitions
Eating
Food/Drink
Gluttony
He had to use a fire
distinguisher.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Extinguisher
Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Absence makes the heart go wander.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Grow fonder
Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Zucchini
He is so fat… he's on
both
sides of the family.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomat
Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Sleep
Sleeping Bag
It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“The optician probably doesn’t have my glasses ready yet,” Tom speculated.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Psychiatrist: A head coach.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
Psychiatrist
Money roots out all evil.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Ache: Joint concern.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Ache
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's too late to close the barn door.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Graffiti: Urban scrawl.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Reading/Writing
Graffiti
Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
People
Women
Gold Digger
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