Author: Anonymous Page 155

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Frugal Money

“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.

Tom Swifties

“I cut off the bottoms of my Levis so they won’t drag on the ground,” said Tom hygienically.

Tom Swifties

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Communication Wordplay

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People

There's a traumatic difference between the two.

Malaprops

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Miscellaneous

Biting the hand that rocks the cradle

Mixed metaphors

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

Let’s start at square zero.

Mixed metaphors

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Insults Intelligence

“I don’t like this Chardonnay,” Tom whined.

Tom Swifties

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.

Definitions Women

That guy in the White House, George Snuffleupagus.

Malaprops People

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

People

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions Things

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work