Author: Anonymous Page 155

Chivalry: The attitude of a man toward somebody else’s wife.

Definitions

“We just struck oil!” Tom gushed.

Tom Swifties

They burnt the midnight candle to resolve the issues.

Mixed metaphors

Brothel: Home is where the tart is.

Definitions

Jim Rosenthal to an American goalie: So what’s an American doing playing in goal for Millwall.

The goalie’s reply: I’m trying to keep the ball out.

Colemanballs

We heard the sea is infatuated with sharks.

Animals Malaprops

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

We were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.

Food/Drink Places

“My ancestor was a famous Confederate general who had an army fort named after him,” Tom bragged.

Tom Swifties

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Medical Insurance: What allows people to be ill at ease.

Wordplay

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

Ignorance is golden.

Mixed metaphors

He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

You could start an argument in an empty house.

Characteristics Expressions

… has eaten into the grocery chain’s luxury food side.

Mixed metaphors

Long road to hoe

Malaprops

There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won’t necessarily know them.

Animals

… on hollowed ground

Malaprops

Never say “Oops” always say “Ah, interesting!”

Communication Mistakes Problems Speech