Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 156
Print the bulletins and get the information
decimated.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Deciminated
It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Science/Weather
Dry
“I make the armor out of chain links,” Tom replied by mail.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
… one says to the other her mum had a cyst on on her
aviary.
Anonymous
Health
Malaprops
Ovary
Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Work
Statistician
Garage: An attic on a lower level.
Anonymous
Definitions
Garage
Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Alimony
“It’s my personal magnetism,” said Tom ironically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Epigram: A half-truth so stated to irritate the person who believes the other half.
Anonymous
Definitions
Epigram
Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.
Anonymous
Definitions
Divorce
Marriage
Desertion
Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Reckless Driver
Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.
Anonymous
Activities
Honesty
Lies
Exaggerations
Fishing
We will burn that horse when we get there.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Announce
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Anonymous
Emotions
Intelligence
Laughter
Thinking
Horse: An oatsmobile.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Horse
Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
People
Economist
Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.
Anonymous
Definitions
Insurance
There is no
pancreas
to the whole world's problems.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Panacea
“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
It's like pushing a rock upstream.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Difficult
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