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Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Beliefs

Stroke-Of-Luck: Hole-in-One.

Definitions Golf Sports

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

That sure did take the steam out of his sails.

Misspokements

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

“Well, I got here with five minutes to spare,” said Tom bitterly.

Tom Swifties

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Life Proverbs

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Communication Men Speech Women

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Definitions Future Time

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents.

Animals Definitions

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Communication Expressions

She is so thin… she doesn’t cast a shadow.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

“There’s nothing wrong with demons,” Tom said implicitly.

Tom Swifties

Bureaucracy is based on a willingness to either pass the buck or spend it.

Government

Alcohol is ok in modification.

Alcohol Food/Drink Malaprops

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Malaprops

Farmer: A man who is outstanding in his field.

Definitions Wordplay