Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 156
“This mental ward is busy,” said Tom crazily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Bachelor: A man who has faults he doesn’t know about.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
People
Bachelor
Executive Shakeup: Title wave.
Anonymous
Definitions
Executive Shakeup
“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Prejudice: A great time-saver that enables one to form opinions without bothering to get the facts.
Anonymous
Definitions
Prejudice
“There’s no place for the kitchen sink,” said Tom counterproductively.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Guest towel
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dust
It doesn't take rocket
appliances.
Anonymous
Intelligence
Malaprops
Rocket science
He ain’t got enough sense to poor piss out of a boot.
Anonymous
Expressions
Intelligence
Stupidity
“I’ve never had a car accident,” said Tom recklessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I sleep in a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I sleep in a teepee”, said Tom very attentively.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Do not argue with an idiot; he/she will drag you down to his/her level and beat you with experience.
Anonymous
Fools
Intelligence
People
Make like a tree and head out.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.
Anonymous
Divorce
Marriage
Alimony
He's between a rock and the deep blue sea.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.
Anonymous
Definitions
Self
Modesty
“I’m going to be intestate,” said Tom unwillingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.
Anonymous
Language
Science/Weather
Metric system
Interesting: A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Speech
Interesting
Does a fat boy like cake.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Expressions
Fat
Obviously
Of course
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