Author: Anonymous Page 156

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

A communist is one who has nothing and wishes to share it with the world.

Government People

Temptation: Something which, when resisted, gives happiness and which, when yielded to, gives even greater happiness.

Definitions

She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Faster than a dog's tail in a meat market.

Expressions Time

“Rowing hurts my hands,” said Tom callously.

Tom Swifties

Cigarette: A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Definitions

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” said Mary guilelessly.

Tom Swifties

“The optician probably doesn’t have my glasses ready yet,” Tom speculated.

Tom Swifties

“This fabric is not good enough to make a bolero,” said Tom unravellingly.

Tom Swifties

Behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

Malaprops

War is hell on wheels.

Mixed metaphors

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Books Communication Definitions People Self

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”

Appearance Definitions

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions