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Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.

Definitions People Work

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Incest is relatively boring.

Family Sex Wordplay

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men People

Cross-Eyed Teacher: A teacher that loses control over his or her pupils.

Definitions

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Sports

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

Activities Definitions Games

He is so old… he owes Jesus a quarter.

Age Exaggerations Old

Now the shoe is on the other horse!

Mixed metaphors

Goin’ around your ass to get to your elbow

Expressions

Skeptic: One who won’t take know for an answer.

Definitions People

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.

Tom Swifties

Chance: The pseudonym of God when he does not want to sign.

Definitions

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep

I’ll push some strings for you.

Mixed metaphors

We'll be there until the fat lady freezes over.

Mixed metaphors

… create a little dysentery in the ranks.

Malaprops

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions