Author: Anonymous Page 158

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work

“Melinda broke my heart,” Tom said half-heartedly.

Tom Swifties

Dark Ages: Knight time.

Definitions

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Definitions

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Children Family Wordplay

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Ascribe: Newspaper reporter.

Definitions

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Censorship: The power of the suppress.

Communication Wordplay

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

Diet: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

Awe: Wow of silence.

Definitions

She was drop down gorgeous.

Mixed metaphors

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Situations Time

That guy in the White House, George Snuffleupagus.

Malaprops People

So cross-eyed he could look at his own head.

Miscellaneous

If you spill the beans, then you'll open a can of worms.

Mixed metaphors

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Work