Author: Anonymous Page 159

Print the bulletins and get the information decimated.

Malaprops

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

Fore: A golf bawl.

Definitions Golf Sports

There is no halftime for cheerleaders!

Activities Sports

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

It's like a wizard in sheep's clothing.

Mixed metaphors

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good.

Intelligence Memory Wisdom

I'm a nervous basket.

Mixed metaphors

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Definitions

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Intelligence Mind People Self

This thing is snowballing like a house afire!

Mixed metaphors

“Who was in the sauna with you while I was at work today?” she asked hotly.

Tom Swifties

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Appearance Clothing

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

People Women

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep

It was so cold… flashers were just describing themselves.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions