Author: Anonymous Page 159

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Flying saucers are just an optical conclusion.

Malaprops

“I’ve got a new watch,” Tom said with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Life: A breathing spell.

Definitions Life

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

Situations

“I feel so empty,” said Tom vacuously.

Tom Swifties

He knew how to butter his nest.

Mixed metaphors

Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.

Definitions

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

Definitions

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

Four-wheel Drive: Getting stuck in more inaccessible places.

Definitions

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Definitions

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Malaprops

Too slow to keep worms in a tin.

Intelligence People Stupidity

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

Patron: A customer who doesn't ask prices.

Definitions

Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Definitions Emotions

… has eaten into the grocery chain’s luxury food side.

Mixed metaphors

Middle Age: A time of life when winking at a girl is closing one eye to reality.

Age Definitions