Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 159
Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.
Anonymous
Definitions
Insurance
Flying saucers are just an optical
conclusion.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Illusion
“I’ve got a new watch,” Tom said with abandon.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Life: A breathing spell.
Anonymous
Definitions
Life
People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.
Anonymous
Situations
Wants
“I feel so empty,” said Tom vacuously.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
He knew how to butter his nest.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.
Anonymous
Definitions
Acorn
Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.
Anonymous
Definitions
Celebrity
Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
Anonymous
Definitions
Self-respect
There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.
Anonymous
Appearance
Clothing
Four-wheel Drive: Getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
Anonymous
Definitions
Four-wheel drive
Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hospitality
Keep your
eye
to the grindstone.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Nose
Too slow to keep worms in a tin.
Anonymous
Intelligence
People
Stupidity
Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.
Anonymous
Marriage
Bigamy
One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.
Anonymous
Activities
Games
Bridge
Patron: A customer who doesn't ask prices.
Anonymous
Definitions
Customer
Patron
Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Worry
… has eaten into the grocery chain’s luxury food side.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Middle Age: A time of life when winking at a girl is closing one eye to reality.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Middle age
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