Author: Anonymous Page 159

A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.

Mixed metaphors

“Who was in the sauna with you while I was at work today?” she asked hotly.

Tom Swifties

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

I'm a nervous basket.

Mixed metaphors

I want to see you go to town like a house of fire.

Mixed metaphors

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

“I’ve got another @#$%*! insect in my pants”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties

“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.

Tom Swifties

“It’s twelve noon,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties

“The radio reception is much better now,” said Tom ecstatically.

Tom Swifties

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work

You go to a psychiatrist when you’re slightly cracked and keep going until you’re completely broke.

Occupations Work

“I like modern painting,” said Tom abstractly.

Tom Swifties

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

Four-letter Word: Par for the coarse.

Definitions Golf Language Sports

Middle Age: That period in life when your idea of getting ahead is staying even.

Age Definitions

Bored: To attend meetings.

Definitions