Author: Anonymous Page 16

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions

Fashion: Something that goes out of style as soon as most people have one.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Quartet: Four men, all of whom think that the other three can’t sing.

Definitions Entertainment

He couldn’t find his ass with a flashlight and a roadmap.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

We raised it to new depths.

Mixed metaphors

I don't want to step on your thunder.

Mixed metaphors

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.

Tom Swifties

Optimist: An anti-skeptic.

Definitions

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Beliefs Proverbs

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Miscellaneous

Like stealing cake from a baby

Mixed metaphors

A good idea is one that hits the other fellow with a bolt of envy.

Ideas Intelligence

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.

Tom Swifties

“It only looks like cocaine,” Tom snorted.

Tom Swifties

If you could get it working I'd be internally grateful.

Malaprops