Author: Anonymous Page 16

“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.

Tom Swifties

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Characteristics

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Success

I’m getting up on my feedbox here.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.

Tom Swifties

Abasement: A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth and power.

Definitions

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Among the many remedies that won’t cure a cold, the most common is advice.

Beliefs Health

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Definitions

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

It is so hot… I saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Acquaintance: A degree of friendship called ‘slight’ when its object is poor and ‘intimate’ when he is rich or famous.

Definitions People

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Definitions People

One hundred degrees better

Mixed metaphors

“It’s twelve noon,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions