Author: Anonymous Page 160

Make no delusions about the past!

Malaprops

What’s needed in government is more horse sense and less nonsense.

Government

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.

Definitions Money

Let dead dogs sleep.

Mixed metaphors

Don't look a gift horse in the eye.

Mixed metaphors

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Communication Definitions Situations Speech

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

“Our local clergyman has a toothache,” said Tom vicariously.

Tom Swifties

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

Heredity: The bad traits a child gets from the other side of the family.

Definitions Family

“Strike three,” Tom called out.

Tom Swifties

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

Foot: A politician’s pacifier.

Definitions Politicians

Bury it under the carpet

Mixed metaphors

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Marriage

Compromise: A deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted.

Definitions

A rolling stone gathers momentum.

Science/Weather Situations