Author: Anonymous Page 160

“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful,” said Tom gracefully.

Tom Swifties

A leopard can't change his stripes.

Mixed metaphors

He’s crooked as a barrel full of fish hooks.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty Insults

“Okay, you can switch on the electric chair now,” said Tom conceitedly.

Tom Swifties

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Characteristics

“Europe needs more self-restraint,” said Tom continently.

Tom Swifties

Skeptic: One who won’t take know for an answer.

Definitions People

When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Characteristics Intelligence

Honeymoon Sandwich: Just lettuce alone, with no dressing.

Definitions Marriage

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

Definitions Lawyers

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Accidents Age Beliefs Old

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Definitions

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

She's skating on thin water.

Mixed metaphors

Put the trash in the Hipsy-Hampster.

Malaprops Things

“The prisoners set up a company,” the warden confirmed.

Tom Swifties