Author: Anonymous Page 160

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

Thanks: A down payment on the next favor.

Definitions

Too slow to keep worms in a tin.

Intelligence People Stupidity

“It’s just gold leaf,” said Tom guiltily.

Tom Swifties

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

A wink is as good as a nod, to a blind horse.

Expressions

“I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

A lot of people are leaving the company; the nutrition rate is very high.

Malaprops

Intuition: Suspicion in skirts.

Definitions

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

Egotism: An anesthetic that nature gives to a man to deaden the pain of being a darn fool.

Definitions

I've been mostly camping and living in hostiles.

Malaprops Places

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

Well, that’s water under the dam.

Mixed metaphors

One hundred degrees better

Mixed metaphors

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

It's like a wizard in sheep's clothing.

Mixed metaphors

It's hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell.

Expressions Heat Science/Weather