Author: Anonymous Page 160

Character: What you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

Definitions

We are treading on thin water.

Mixed metaphors

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Blushing: The color of virtue.

Definitions

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

“I was removed from office,” said Tom disappointedly.

Tom Swifties

“It’s a German song,” Tom lied.

Tom Swifties

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Definitions Sex

Learned Fool: One who has read everything, and simply remembered it.

Definitions Intelligence

If the baby is happy, don’t try to make it happier.

Family Proverbs

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

Make no delusions about the past!

Malaprops

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

You’ve buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

You've opened this can of worms, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors