Author: Anonymous Page 17

Makes the hair stand up on the edge of my seat

Mixed metaphors

“Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.

Tom Swifties

Barber: The town cutup.

Definitions Wordplay

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.

Golf Sports

Bore: A person who takes his time taking your time.

Definitions

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

She is so fat… she can't even jump to conclusions.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Language Science/Weather

“Rowing so much hurts my hands,” said Tom callously.

Tom Swifties

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

“Here is your hotdog,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

I went skiing last week and broke a leg… fortunately it wasn’t mine.

Sports

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“The doctor had to remove my left ventricle,” said Tom half-heartedly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m going to be intestate,” said Tom unwillingly.

Tom Swifties

Let's clear up a loose end.

Mixed metaphors

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay