Author: Anonymous Page 17

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

Situations

War without France would be like… World War II.

Conflict Places War

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work

Man was predestined to have free will.

Miscellaneous

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.

Definitions

“I’ve paid my annual subscription,” Tom remembered.

Tom Swifties

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

Walking with your head between your legs.

Mixed metaphors

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

She's not wearing enough clothes to flag a hand car.

Appearance Clothing Expressions

“One of the ten finalists in the ‘London derriere’ contest had to drop out”, said Tom asininely.

Tom Swifties

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

So windy he could blow up an onion sack.

Communication Exaggerations Expressions Speech

A leopard can't change his stripes.

Mixed metaphors

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

Why spend astronomical amounts on so-called scientific research to go to another planet?

Mixed metaphors

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Definitions