Author: Anonymous Page 17

Before arguing with your boss, make absolutely sure you’re right – then let the matter drop.

Beliefs

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

Let's clear up a loose end.

Mixed metaphors

“No, I haven’t read Voltaire,” said Tom candidly.

Tom Swifties

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Interesting: A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Communication Definitions Speech

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.

Definitions Marriage

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

Ain’t nobody out at that time a night but burglars and bad women.

Expressions Time

Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience

People

… on hollowed ground

Malaprops

Senior Executive: Anyone with an office on the carpeted corridor.

Definitions

Old Age: When you don’t recognize either the host or the musical guest on Saturday Night Live.

Age Definitions

Eulogy: Praise that’s too much and too late.

Death Definitions

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage

Executive: A big gun – that hasn’t been fired yet.

Definitions

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Malaprops

The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it.

Murphy’s Laws Time