Author: Anonymous Page 18

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Definitions Men People

It's a walk in the cake.

Mixed metaphors

Conscience: A device that doesn’t keep you from doing anything – just keeps you from enjoying it.

Definitions

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

Health

An ideal mind is the devil's playground.

Misspokements

“I’m shocked,” said Tom electrically.

Tom Swifties

That guy in the White House, George Snuffleupagus.

Malaprops People

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Definitions Emotions Happiness

.. drawing the eye… like a magnet

Mixed metaphors

Let's bury this dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

They were living high on the cob.

Life Malaprops Money

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

Animals Exaggerations Places

Between the ages of twelve and seventeen, a child may see his parents age twenty years.

Age

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

The world is your lobster.

Mixed metaphors

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

Tom Swifties

The hula dance is simple: you put some grass on one hip, some more grass on the other hip, and then you rotate the crops.

Dance Entertainment

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

“My wife is going to have a test tube baby”, Tom injected artificially.

Tom Swifties