Author: Anonymous Page 18

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People

An unwatched pot boils immediately.

Murphy’s Laws

Absolute Pitch: Completely dark.

Definitions

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Good Old Days: What people fifty years hence will be calling the present time.

Definitions Past Time

It ain't rocket surgery.

Mixed metaphors

Survival of the fitness.

Malaprops

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

New systems generate new problems.

Murphy’s Laws

That tickled my fancy bone.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

“Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.

Tom Swifties

You are wise behind your ears.

Mixed metaphors

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

“I’m waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

A man who can lighten a room by leaving it.

Insults