Author: Anonymous Page 18

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Animals

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

Health

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

The doctor felt the man's purse and thought it was awfully low.

Health Malaprops

“Those ballet students should be forced to do their exercises in the nude,” said Tom barbarically.

Tom Swifties

Numismatics: Collecting money for fun.

Definitions

“Sorry about that butt call,” he said cheekily.

Tom Swifties

Once you open a can of worms, they always come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

People

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Autos Science/Weather Situations Things

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

Good to be back on the old terracotta.

Malaprops

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience

People

What in the Sam Hill are you doing?

Miscellaneous

He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' bumble bees.

Miscellaneous

I could hear footprints.

Malaprops

Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.

Children Communication Family Honesty Lies Speech Truth

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.

Mixed metaphors