Author: Anonymous Page 18

Science: An orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts.

Beliefs Definitions Facts Science/Weather

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Aftermath: The horrible headache you have when you’ve finished the algebra test.

Definitions

Professor: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.

Definitions Education

Arabs wear turbines on their heads.

Clothing Malaprops

When making picture frames, you’ll need a Midas box, so you can cut the angle right.

Malaprops

“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.

Tom Swifties

Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

Books Communication

This is just a nightmare waiting to happen.

Mixed metaphors

“I need an injection,” Tom pleaded in vain.

Tom Swifties

“You must be my host,” Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

Egotism: An anesthetic that nature gives to a man to deaden the pain of being a darn fool.

Definitions

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Insults Intelligence

It is so hot… I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Activities Definitions

“Here’s another baseball glove”, Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

“I think I’ve broken my leg ”, reported Tom lamely.

Tom Swifties

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People