Author: Anonymous Page 18

Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions

Taking the bull with both feet

Mixed metaphors

Aftermath: The horrible headache you have when you’ve finished the algebra test.

Definitions

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep

He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.

Mixed metaphors

“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.

Tom Swifties

“No, I haven’t read Voltaire,” said Tom candidly.

Tom Swifties

“I don’t want to rewrite this in prose,” said Tom aversely.

Tom Swifties

I'm hungry enough to eat cats and dogs.

Mixed metaphors

The town had the coldest temperature in all the contagious states.

America Malaprops Places

Politics: Where people work hard to get a job and do nothing after they get it.

Definitions Government Politics

He clams up tighter than a drum.

Mixed metaphors

He was lookin' at me like a country mule lookin at a freight train.

Expressions

Fewer and fewer in between

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

“Come up to my apartment,” Tom said flatly.

Tom Swifties

Camp: Where parents spend $1,000 for eight weeks to teach their child to make a 25-cent ash tray.

Definitions

Ain’t nobody out at that time a night but burglars and bad women.

Expressions Time

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

They were living high on the cob.

Life Malaprops Money

“Whenever I put on my scuba gear, I get pins and needles,” said Tom divertingly.

Tom Swifties

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions