Author: Anonymous Page 18

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Characteristics Definitions

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Communication Men Speech Women

It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.

Mixed metaphors

You can’t change the spots on an old dog.

Mixed metaphors

Twins: Womb-mates.

Definitions

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

I understand that Congress has taken the first step in the fight against air pollution: limiting the speeches to five minutes.

Congress Government

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

The history of the aquatics center shows… that the games’ organizers seem to be willing to spend money like water.

Mixed metaphors

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

Shivers of joy running up and down my throat

Mixed metaphors

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.

Appearance Definitions Fat

It's like a wizard in sheep's clothing.

Mixed metaphors

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Agreeable Person: One who agrees with me.

Definitions

“Elvis is dead,” said Tom expressly.

Tom Swifties

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions