Author: Anonymous Page 19

“This looks like the fruit of the blackthorn,” said Tom slowly.

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.

Love: A form of self-government under a two-party system.

Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.

“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.

Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.

Paradox: Two physicians.

Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.

Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.

The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

It's always darkest before dawn… so if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' bumble bees.

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

When I'm sick, I take Casper Oil.

The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.