Author: Anonymous Page 19

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Communication Expressions

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

“The roof is about to collapse”, Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Definitions

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

You can take that to the bank and smoke it.

Mixed metaphors

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

People have one thing in common: they are all different.

People

“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.

Tom Swifties

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

Till the cows freeze over.

Mixed metaphors

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Situations

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.

Emotions Love Money