Author: Anonymous Page 19

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Marching to the beat of a dead horse

You continue to cloudy the water.

History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

Silence is bliss.

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Have no delusions about the past.

Fifty percent of people have a below-average understanding of statistics.

Marriages are made in heaven, maybe that’s why so many atheists fool around.

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Taking over the reigns of leadership.

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Easy reading is damned hard writing.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.