Author: Anonymous Page 19

“This looks like the fruit of the blackthorn,” said Tom slowly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Tom Swifties

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

Activities Games

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.

Tom Swifties

Love: A form of self-government under a two-party system.

Definitions Emotions Love

Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Definitions

The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.

Entertainment Malaprops

“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.

Tom Swifties

Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.

Characteristics Money

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.

Definitions Golf Sports

Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.

Definitions

The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.

Education Malaprops

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Characteristics

It's always darkest before dawn… so if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Beliefs

He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' bumble bees.

Miscellaneous

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

When I'm sick, I take Casper Oil.

Malaprops

The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.

Mixed metaphors