Author: Anonymous Page 19

“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.

Tom Swifties

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

He is so fat… I had to take a train and two buses just to get on his good side.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

Let's clear up a loose end.

Mixed metaphors

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.

Mixed metaphors

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Fools Intelligence

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.

Appearance Definitions Fat

“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.

Tom Swifties

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Appearance Body Definitions

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Farmer: A man who is outstanding in his field.

Definitions Wordplay

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Acting Eating Entertainment Food/Drink Occupations