Author: Anonymous Page 19

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

“The roof is about to collapse”, Tom upheld.

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

You can take that to the bank and smoke it.

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

People have one thing in common: they are all different.

“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Till the cows freeze over.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.