Author: Anonymous Page 19

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Definitions

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.

Time

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

Marching to the beat of a dead horse

Mixed metaphors

You continue to cloudy the water.

Mixed metaphors

History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

Definitions History Time

Silence is bliss.

Mixed metaphors

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Communication Expressions

Have no delusions about the past.

Malaprops

Fifty percent of people have a below-average understanding of statistics.

People Science/Weather

Marriages are made in heaven, maybe that’s why so many atheists fool around.

Marriage

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

Taking over the reigns of leadership.

Malaprops

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Health

Easy reading is damned hard writing.

Communication Reading/Writing

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Emotions Fear Happiness

Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

Definitions

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions