Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 19
I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.
Anonymous
Communication
Expressions
Get to the point
Hurry up
She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits
around
the house.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Domestic Harmony
“The roof is about to collapse”, Tom upheld.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.
Anonymous
Definitions
Disneyland
That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Expressions
Honesty
You can take that to the bank and smoke it.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Boat
He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.
Anonymous
Appearance
Exaggerations
Ugly
Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Tact
Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Class Reunion
Plumber: A drain surgeon.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Plumber
It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.
Anonymous
Cold
Exaggerations
Science/Weather
People have one thing in common: they are all different.
Anonymous
People
Oxymorons
“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Husband
Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ambulance
There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.
Anonymous
Things
Time
Computers
Till the cows freeze over.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Anonymous
Situations
Practice
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.
Anonymous
Emotions
Love
Money
Page 19 of 161
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