Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 19
Dandruff: Chips off the old block.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dandruff
How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.
Anonymous
Time
Bathroom
Matrimony: The splice of life.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Wordplay
Matrimony
Marching to the beat of a dead horse
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
You continue to cloudy the water.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
Anonymous
Definitions
History
Time
Silence is bliss.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Silence
Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.
Anonymous
Definitions
Babysitter
I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.
Anonymous
Communication
Expressions
Get to the point
Hurry up
Have no
delusions
about the past.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Allusions
Fifty percent of people have a below-average understanding of statistics.
Anonymous
People
Science/Weather
Statistics
Marriages are made in heaven, maybe that’s why so many atheists fool around.
Anonymous
Marriage
Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Friends
People
Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomat
Taking over the
reigns
of leadership.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Reins
Keep paying the electricity bill.
Anonymous
Health
Doctor’s advice to actor Roger Moore after he had been fitted with a pacemaker
Easy reading is damned hard writing.
Anonymous
Communication
Reading/Writing
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Anonymous
Definitions
Garden Rule
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Anonymous
Emotions
Fear
Happiness
Puritanism
Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
Anonymous
Definitions
Self-respect
Virtue: Lack of opportunity.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Virtue
Page 19 of 161
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