Author: Anonymous Page 19

Spanking: Stern punishment.

Definitions

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

A good idea is one that hits the other fellow with a bolt of envy.

Ideas Intelligence

You can beat a dead horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Mixed metaphors

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… but I laugh more.

Emotions Laughter

“The food here is terrible,” he muttered, swallowing his words.

Tom Swifties

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

“It’s only average,” said Tom meanly.

Tom Swifties

Forty: The most difficult age for a woman to pass; it often takes years.

Age Definitions

“I have those totals for you”, Tom added.

Tom Swifties

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

“The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding,” said Tom finally.

Tom Swifties

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Education

The future of the church depends on passing the torch to the next generation.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

You have to take the bad with the worse.

Mixed metaphors

Experience: What causes a person to make new mistakes instead of the same old ones.

Definitions Mistakes