Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 19
“This looks like the fruit of the blackthorn,” said Tom slowly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.
Anonymous
Activities
Games
Bridge
Cards
Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.
Anonymous
Situations
Attics
Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
Dermatologist
“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Love: A form of self-government under a two-party system.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Love
Euphemisms: Unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
Anonymous
Definitions
Euphemisms
The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Malaprops
Marquee
“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Money
Pessimism
Paradox: Two physicians.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Wordplay
Paradox
Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Sports
Handicapped Golfer
Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.
Anonymous
Definitions
Acrobat
The amount of education you have determines your
loot
in life.
Anonymous
Education
Malaprops
Lot
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Manners
Reflexes
It's always darkest before dawn… so if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Darkness
Theft
He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' bumble bees.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
A big wide grin
Other expressions
Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.
Anonymous
Definitions
Etiquette
Manners
When I'm sick, I take
Casper
Oil.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Castor oil
The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Page 19 of 161
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