Author: Anonymous Page 2

“Will you quit rustling around in my closet!” said Leif.

Tom Swifties

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

Forger: The man who gives a check a bad name.

Definitions

“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.

Tom Swifties

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

Sleet: A slipcover.

Definitions Science/Weather

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Autumn is the most beautiful time of the year to the person who has no leaves to rake.

Science/Weather

I'm feeling lack-a-daisy today.

Malaprops

I.T.: Customer Support without the common sense.

Definitions

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

She really stuck her neck out on a limb.

Mixed metaphors

Deep pockets… short arms

Expressions

“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.

Tom Swifties

“I will file a counter suit against you,” Tom retorted.

Tom Swifties

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

“Take tea and see,” said Tom briskly.

Tom Swifties

“I got demoted,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

Toastmaster: A gentleman who introduces a gentleman who needs no introduction.

Definitions

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions