Author: Anonymous Page 2

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

Sex

Brat: A child who displays his pest manners.

Definitions

“You find it very large?” said Mr. Podsnap, spaciously

Tom Swifties

One good thing about apathy is you don’t have to exert yourself to show you’re sincere about it.

Characteristics

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Communication Definitions

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

Definitions Places

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

“It’s homemade soup,” said Tom uncannily.

Tom Swifties

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

“It’s become much bigger,” said Tom with a groan.

Tom Swifties

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Vice: A function to keep virtue within reasonable bounds.

Definitions

Centimeter: A parking meter that takes pennies.

Definitions

A sound mind and a sound body go hand in hand.

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold… politicians stopped blowing hot air.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

“I’m on social security,” said Tom dolefully.

Tom Swifties

We seem to have unleased a hornet's nest.

Malaprops Situations

Proud as a dog with two tails

Characteristics Expressions

She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.

Mixed metaphors

The early bird gathers no moss.

Mixed metaphors