Author: Anonymous Page 2

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

Now you have hit it on the head with the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Definitions

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

If the baby is happy, don’t try to make it happier.

Family Proverbs

“I have no underwear,” Tom said expansively.

Tom Swifties

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.

Definitions

“I won’t stand for painting,” said Tom uneasily.

Tom Swifties

They live so deep in the woods they kept possums as yard dogs.

Animals Expressions Places Situations

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

He’d fight an anvil.

Characteristics Expressions

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Situations

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

If wishes were horses, some folks would need a lot of hay.

Miscellaneous