Author: Anonymous Page 20

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

“I’m embarrassed,” Tom admitted readily.

Tom Swifties

“Melinda broke my heart,” Tom said half-heartedly.

Tom Swifties

Parking Meter: An automatic device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can’t get back before the time runs out.

Definitions Things

Parking Space: An unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire hydrant.

Definitions

Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Death Definitions Life

We should go metric every inch of the way.

Language Science/Weather

A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.

Mixed metaphors

Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

Definitions

When I'm sick, I take Casper Oil.

Malaprops

The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.

Mixed metaphors

It doesn't take rocket appliances.

Intelligence Malaprops

Sometimes they bite the farm.

Mixed metaphors

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Definitions Wordplay

Running around like children with their heads cut off

Mixed metaphors

“I think we were cheated,” Tom recounted.

Tom Swifties

Bridge is a friendly game invented by two married couples who disliked each other.

Activities Games

Shivers of joy running up and down my throat

Mixed metaphors

Money isn’t everything: usually it isn’t enough.

Money

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink

“This food tastes of plutonium,” said Tom glowingly.

Tom Swifties