Author: Anonymous Page 20

“I’ve never had a car accident,” said Tom recklessly.

Tom Swifties

Good Neighbor: One who makes his noise at the same time you make yours.

Definitions

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Arms Situations Things

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

“These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8,” said Tom bitingly.

Tom Swifties

Ornery as an old pine knot

Expressions

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

Activities Honesty Lies

“Let’s all play an A, a C#, and an E”, cried the band with one accord.

Tom Swifties

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

Surely we'll dig up the past, in order to bury the hatchet.

Mixed metaphors

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

Conflict Crime Definitions

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

Abortion: Love's labor lost.

Definitions

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

“I just got a job putting up steel girders!” Tom beamed.

Tom Swifties

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

Acupuncture: Waiting for a cure on pins and needles.

Miscellaneous

Not to put her up on a limestone, but my sister is really terrific.

Misspokements

They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.

Mixed metaphors