Author: Anonymous Page 21

“England is okay, except there seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse”, said Tom aloofly.

Tom Swifties

He is so stupid… it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Insults Intelligence

“The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding,” said Tom finally.

Tom Swifties

Whether the glass is half-full or half empty, depends on whether you are drinking or pouring.

Situations

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,876 times a day.

Definitions

Not without a grain of sugar

Mixed metaphors

Deterrence: The art of producing, in the mind of the enemy, the fear to attack.

Definitions

Justice: A decision in your favor.

Definitions

Reoriented: Sent back to China.

Definitions Wordplay

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

Don't count all your eggs in one basket.

Mixed metaphors

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Definitions People Women Wordplay

You might think the Channel Islands are a backwater.

Mixed metaphors

God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

Beliefs God

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Definitions Divorce Marriage