Author: Anonymous Page 21

Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.

Definitions Democracy Government

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

Isn't it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?

Mixed metaphors

I'm happier than a woodpecker in a lumber yard.

Miscellaneous

But I don't have an intricate relationship with it.

Malaprops

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Appearance Body Language

Woman: A person who needs a shoe larger on the inside than outside.

Definitions People

Now you have hit it on the head with the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Window Dresser: A girl who doesn’t pull down the shades.

Definitions People

“Why shouldn’t I stir my coffee with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

Hit the wall running…

Mixed metaphors

“I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.

Tom Swifties

Budget: An orderly system of living beyond your means.

Definitions

“Some you lose,” said Tom winsomely.

Tom Swifties

“I’m shocked,” said Tom electrically.

Tom Swifties

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

Mixed metaphors

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Arms Situations Things

Adam’s Rib: The original bone of contention.

Definitions

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Communication Family Language Mothers

Hold the Farm!

Mixed metaphors