Author: Anonymous Page 22

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

People

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

Hangover: The moaning after the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink Health

“The lion has its head caught in the skylight,” said Tom uproariously.

Tom Swifties

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Bore: A person who takes his time taking your time.

Definitions

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

You have to shoot where the fish are barking.

Mixed metaphors

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

Communication Definitions

You can beat a dead horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Mixed metaphors

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.

Definitions Music

You've buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Definitions

Ornery as an old pine knot

Expressions