Author: Anonymous Page 23

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

Surfing the Infobahn [information superhighway]

Mixed metaphors

“I’ll take that”, said Tom appropriately.

Tom Swifties

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Malaprops

Life is a box of cherries.

Mixed metaphors

Middle Age: That period when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth, and his illusions.

Age Definitions

I.T.: Customer Support without the common sense.

Definitions

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions

This is the problem we are wringing our hair over.

Mixed metaphors

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Definitions Religion

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

He was married to an acrobat, but she caught him in the act.

Communication Wordplay

“Another work week begins,” said Tom mundanely.

Tom Swifties

“My pencil is blunt,” said Tom pointlessly.

Tom Swifties

“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.

Tom Swifties