Author: Anonymous Page 23

That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.

Appearance Expressions

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

Definitions

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Appearance Body Characteristics

You're making a mountain out of a Mohawk.

Malaprops

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Autos Definitions Things

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Situations

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

You are so lazy if you had a third hand, you’d need a third pocket to put it in.

Characteristics Expressions

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Definitions Marriage

I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.

Money Things

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

“I’m going to get a hair transplant,” said Tom baldly.

Tom Swifties

”..,” said Tom blankly.

Tom Swifties

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

“I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.

Tom Swifties

Life’s all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to get it.

Life

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

“A dog bit me,” said Tom rabidly.

Tom Swifties

It sent goosebumps up my spine.

Mixed metaphors

Cemetery: A place people are dying to get into.

Definitions