Author: Anonymous Page 23

Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, and the cooks are English.

England

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

Petting: The study of anatomy in braille.

Definitions Sex

It's a big nut to swallow.

Mixed metaphors

Zebra: A horse behind bars.

Animals Definitions

The rain was coming down in droves!

Mixed metaphors Science/Weather

Broom: Witch craft.

Definitions

You could take that guy with a grain a salt.

Mixed metaphors

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” said Mary guilelessly.

Tom Swifties

It’s like looking for a needle in a hayride.

Mixed metaphors

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Definitions Government Law Lawyers

What in the Sam Hill are you doing?

Miscellaneous

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents.

Animals Definitions

She wears her heart up her sleeve.

Mixed metaphors

“Well, I got here with five minutes to spare,” said Tom bitterly.

Tom Swifties

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.

Appearance Expressions

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

Definitions Opinion

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Characteristics Expressions Work

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

I've been mostly camping and living in hostiles.

Malaprops Places