Author: Anonymous Page 23

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Age Definitions People Young

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Below: Sing Bass.

Definitions

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,876 times a day.

Definitions

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Definitions

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.

Appearance Expressions

“The situation is grave,” Tom said cryptically.

Tom Swifties

“I’m from Missouri,” Tom stated.

Tom Swifties

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Age Definitions

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Life’s all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to get it.

Life

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

“The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

Earthquake: A topographical error.

Definitions

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

“Ignore the first three turnings,” directed Tom forthrightly.

Tom Swifties

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

Communication Definitions Politicians Speech

We're cooking on all four cylinders.

Mixed metaphors