Author: Anonymous Page 24

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

I'm shooting from the seat of my pants.

Mixed metaphors

“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.

Tom Swifties

The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.

People

The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it.

Murphy’s Laws Time

“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.

Tom Swifties

Centaur: A man with a horse where his pants ought to be.

Definitions

A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.

Appearance Body People Women

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

Definitions Sex

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties

Out of the mouths of babes come things parents never should have said.

Children Communication Family Speech

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.

Sports

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.

Definitions

The future of the church depends on passing the torch to the next generation.

Mixed metaphors

People are dying like hotcakes.

Mixed metaphors

“I suppose I’ll have to write my name again,” said Tom resignedly.

Tom Swifties

It's on the tip of my frontal lobotomy.

Mixed metaphors

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Education: Forcing abstract ideas into concrete heads.

Definitions Ideas Intelligence