Author: Anonymous Page 24

“This way to the seabird exhibit”, said Tom awkwardly.

Tom Swifties

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Definitions Future Time

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider.

Expressions Food/Drink

Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.

Definitions Entertainment Television

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Definitions

“I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.

Tom Swifties

Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

Definitions Marriage

Run it up the flag pole and see what sticks.

Mixed metaphors

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Characteristics

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

We'll rewind the calendar.

Mixed metaphors

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

He’s wearing a tomahawk haircut.

Malaprops

It will have a special time on our plate.

Misspokements

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions