Author: Anonymous Page 24

Parking Space: An unoccupied place on the other side of the street.

Definitions

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

“I like ragged margins,” said Tom without justification.

Tom Swifties

Kidney: A complex organ used to convert beer into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

Definitions Marriage

Adolescence: When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how.

Age Definitions

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

Kill two birds with one egg

Mixed metaphors

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

He was engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off.

Communication Relationships Wordplay

“You’re busted!” said the policeman to Miss Parton.

Tom Swifties

“I know what herb would taste nice with this,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

“Don’t you love sleeping outdoors,” Tom said intently.

Tom Swifties

Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

Keepsake: Something given us by someone we’ve forgotten.

Definitions Things

You must have ears like an eagle.

Mixed metaphors

Ignorance is golden.

Mixed metaphors

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

Education School

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions