Author: Anonymous Page 25

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

“That is a sick bird,” said Tom illegally.

Tom Swifties

We'll mend that fence when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

Definitions

“Let’s spice it up,” said Tom gingerly.

Tom Swifties

His nose is so big… he could smoke a cigar in the shower.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

A communist is one who has nothing and wishes to share it with the world.

Government People

Absence makes a long story short.

Mixed metaphors

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

I wouldn't trust him with my bargepole.

Mixed metaphors

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

Beware geeks bearing scripts.

Reviews/Criticism

Surfing the Infobahn [information superhighway]

Mixed metaphors

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

We'd like a room with a southern explosion.

Malaprops