Author: Anonymous Page 25

It's like a wizard in sheep's clothing.

Mixed metaphors

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

Committee: A group which succeeds in getting something done only when it consists of three members, one of whom happens to be sick and the other absent.

Definitions

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Definitions

Jesus loves him, but he is the only one.

Expressions

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

“I have a delivery of shoes for the prisoners,” said Tom consolingly.

Tom Swifties

“Whenever I put on my scuba gear, I get pins and needles,” said Tom divertingly.

Tom Swifties

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.

Definitions

It's as plain as the egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

She is so fat… she laid on the beach and people tried to push her back into the ocean.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Well, that’s water under the dam.

Mixed metaphors

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

We should go metric every inch of the way.

Language Science/Weather

Heir Cut: Disinheritance.

Definitions

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

I'm going to the store to buy a soup latrine.

Malaprops

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties