Author: Anonymous Page 25

“Take tea and see,” said Tom briskly.

Tom Swifties

“I ain’t afraid of those white men,” said Cochise bravely.

Tom Swifties

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

Please excuse Timmy from school Friday. He has very loose vowels.

Health Malaprops

I wouldn’t speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying ice.

Expressions Insults Opinion

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

“Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?” asked Mary hysterically.

Tom Swifties

“The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm,” said Tom humorlessly.

Tom Swifties

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

Marriage: A deal in which a man gives away half his groceries in order to get the other half cooked.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Marriage

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

It's as plain as the egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

Long road to hoe

Malaprops

“Here is your hotdog,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Death Definitions Life

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink