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Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Definitions

You’re fighting upstream.

Mixed metaphors

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

Gardener: Someone who thinks that what goes down must come up.

Definitions

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Definitions Science/Weather

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Age Definitions

“What’s the value of a dollar bill?” asked Tom noteworthily.

Tom Swifties

I dropped the toothpaste,” said Tom, crestfallen.

Tom Swifties

I'm happier than a woodpecker in a lumber yard.

Miscellaneous

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

“I always eat at McDonald’s”, said Tom archly.

Tom Swifties

You are wise behind your ears.

Mixed metaphors

She couldn’t catch a cold if it had handles.

Expressions

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Malaprops

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

Absentee: A missing golfing peg.

Definitions Golf Sports