Author: Anonymous Page 25

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

Numismatics: Collecting money for fun.

Definitions

Run your kite up the flagpole

Mixed metaphors

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

I’ll get it by hook or ladder.

Mixed metaphors

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Mistakes Problems

Keep a stiff upper chin.

Mixed metaphors

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

Budget: A family quarrel.

Definitions

“Are you all governors?” Tom asked, bored.

Tom Swifties

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

Once the horse is out of the barn, you can't put him back again.

Mixed metaphors

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

Food/Drink Men People

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

Education Insults

Hypochondriac: Someone who enjoys bad health.

Definitions Health

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

“Sorry about that butt call,” he said cheekily.

Tom Swifties

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Husbands Marriage