Author: Anonymous Page 25

Love: Oceans of emotions surrounded by expanses of expenses.

Definitions Emotions Love

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

Let’s get down to brass tax.

Malaprops Situations

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

He’s crooked as a barrel full of fish hooks.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty Insults

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.

Definitions

She has a photogenic memory.

Malaprops Memory

She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“Why do I have to strip naked again?” asked Tom rebuffingly.

Tom Swifties

“I couldn’t believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!” Tom recounted.

Tom Swifties

That's putting the chicken before the cart.

Mixed metaphors

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

Winter: The time of year when it gets later earlier.

Definitions Science/Weather

Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.

Definitions Happiness Intelligence

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Communication Definitions Situations Speech

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Children Definitions Family

Don't look a gift horse in the eye.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink