Author: Anonymous Page 26

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

She is so fat… when she was a kid she could only play seek.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“Can I become a chorister?” Tom inquired.

Tom Swifties

“I know which boyd gets the woym,” said Tom in an oily voice.

Tom Swifties

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

“I won’t stand for painting,” said Tom uneasily.

Tom Swifties

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Education

“Who discovered radium?” asked Tom curiously.

Tom Swifties

Adam wasn’t always the brightest tool.

Mixed metaphors

Till the cows freeze over.

Mixed metaphors

Flattery is telling people exactly what they think of themselves.

Characteristics People Self

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops

“England is okay, except there seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse”, said Tom aloofly.

Tom Swifties

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.

Mixed metaphors

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Communication Definitions Speech

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

“I think I’ll use a different font,” said Tom boldly.

Tom Swifties

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions