Author: Anonymous Page 26

The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it.

Murphy’s Laws Time

Statesman: A politician who is held upright by equal pressure from all directions.

Definitions Politicians

That's the pot calling the kettle's bluff.

Mixed metaphors

We're cooking on all four cylinders.

Mixed metaphors

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Intelligence Memory Past

Life: A breathing spell.

Definitions Life

He breathes through his nose to keep from wearing out his teeth.

Expressions Frugal

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

“Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.

Tom Swifties

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

If he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony.

Characteristics Expressions

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

“One of the ten finalists in the ‘London derriere’ contest had to drop out”, said Tom asininely.

Tom Swifties

It is better to be on penicillin, than never to have loved at all.

Emotions Love

It is so hot… today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

“The phone reception here is excellent,” he said clearly.

Tom Swifties

I’d like to be sitting in his shoes.

Mixed metaphors

“I like modern painting,” said Tom abstractly.

Tom Swifties

Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy.”

Death