Author: Anonymous Page 27

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

Expressions

It was time to get my act in gear.

Mixed metaphors

They'll have to retaliate the vote.

Malaprops

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

When you boil it down to its nuts and bolts

Mixed metaphors

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Definitions Marriage Wives

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

Get the kinks rolling

Mixed metaphors

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Definitions

It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.

Definitions Golf Sports

Skeptic: One who won’t take know for an answer.

Definitions People

She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

That will round out the triangle.

Mixed metaphors

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

That’ll separate the men from the goats.

Mixed metaphors

Isn’t it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune-tellers take economists seriously.

Beliefs

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

He is so fat… when he gets his shoes shined he has to take the man's word for it.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

We drove around and looked at some apartments, and then we looked at some condoms.

Malaprops