Author: Anonymous Page 27

Artist’s Model: A girl unsuited for her work.

Definitions

Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

The record cover was a blank slate in 1939 at Columbia Records.

Mixed metaphors

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

“Those ballet students should be forced to do their exercises in the nude,” said Tom barbarically.

Tom Swifties

Raining like a sieve

Mixed metaphors

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

Mixed metaphors

On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.

Misspokements

A journey of a thousand miles keeps the doctor away.

Mixed metaphors

She is so fat… when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I'm a nervous basket.

Mixed metaphors

Your being Sir Anthony's son, would itself be a sufficient accommodation.

Malaprops

“I hate math,” Tom added.

Tom Swifties

Doughnut: Holey food.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I’m your mother’s brother’s father-in-law’s son,” Tom related.

Tom Swifties

I sink, therefore I swam.

Activities Communication Wordplay

There are two theories to arguing with women… neither one works.

People Women

The hula dance is simple: you put some grass on one hip, some more grass on the other hip, and then you rotate the crops.

Dance Entertainment

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties