Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Anonymous Page 27
When making picture frames, you’ll need a
Midas
box, so you can cut the angle right.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Miter box
“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
It was deader than a
hangnail.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Door nail
“Why shouldn’t I stir my yoghurt with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him; the smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
Golf clubs
Hydroponic Gardening: Using a plant to convert water into yard work.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hydroponic Gardening
We'd like a room with a southern
explosion.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Exposure
He was from Thailand or some other
erotic
place.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Places
Exotic
Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Home
Seeing a buzzard catch a rare phalarope is in bird-watching terms, like killing two birds with one stone.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ability
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Intelligence
Brains
Open mind
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Anonymous
Definitions
Justice
Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Definitions
Acute Alcoholic
Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomacy
Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Communist
Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Armor
Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Sex
Women
Easy
I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.
Anonymous
Animals
Exaggerations
Places
Alaska
Mosquitoes
Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
Double Jeopardy
Page 27 of 161
« First
« Previous
25
26
27
28
29
Next »
Last »