Author: Anonymous Page 27

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.

Tom Swifties

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

Definitions

Plan to be spontaneous… tomorrow.

Characteristics Time

Boundary: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.

Definitions Places

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Beliefs Opinion

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors

Damp weather is very hard on the sciences.

Malaprops

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

Business Lunch: Lunch.

Definitions Food/Drink

We are beating a dead drum.

Mixed metaphors

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

“I can lend you the money,” Tom said with interest.

Tom Swifties

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Forget that guy – just illiterate him from your memory.

Malaprops

“Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?” asked Tom literately.

Tom Swifties

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Communication Men Speech Women