Author: Anonymous Page 29

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.

Tom Swifties

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.

Definitions Women

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”

Communication Definitions Language

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

She looked gorgeous in her new dress – absolutely explicit.

Malaprops

Cold War: Hot peace.

Conflict Definitions

We need to look the 800-pound gorilla in the mouth

Mixed metaphors

Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.

Activities Definitions

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

Insults

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Clothing Definitions

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Definitions

I'd like to be a fish on the wall at that meeting.

Mixed metaphors

“I wonder if this will unlock the palace gates,” said Tom kinkily.

Tom Swifties

Automation has opened up a whole new field of unemployment.

Situations Work

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.

Appearance Expressions

“My bicycle wheel is damaged,” said Tom outspokenly.

Tom Swifties