Author: Anonymous Page 29

“Boy, that’s an ugly hippopotamus!” said Tom hypocritically.

Tom Swifties

Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.

Definitions Democracy Government

Surely we'll dig up the past, in order to bury the hatchet.

Mixed metaphors

She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.

Mixed metaphors

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

We are tipping the iceberg.

Mixed metaphors

Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Definitions

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

Dictator: A self-madman.

Definitions

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Situations

Delivering her baby at home is the birthright of every woman.

Mixed metaphors

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

Vision: Looking farther than you can see.

Definitions Intelligence Thinking

Learned Fool: One who has read everything, and simply remembered it.

Definitions Intelligence

I could hear footprints.

Malaprops

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

It was so cold… flashers were just describing themselves.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time