Author: Anonymous Page 29

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Appearance Body Fat

It's like ice cold electricity passing through your body.

Mixed metaphors

Disinheritance: Heir cut.

Definitions

“Look at my shiny kitchen floor”, said Tom, waxing enthusiastic.

Tom Swifties

Vice: A function to keep virtue within reasonable bounds.

Definitions

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Intelligence Memory

Dentist: A person who runs a filling station.

Definitions Occupations

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

If there’s ever a price on your head – take it.

Insults

The Norwegian language has been described as German spoken underwater.

Communication Language Places

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

A rolling stone gathers no moths.

Malaprops

Never let a gift horse in the house.

Malaprops

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

He is so stupid… it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Leftovers: Repast history.

Definitions Food/Drink

Easy Payments: The ones that are easier said than done.

Definitions

Let's make sure we're all talking off the same sheet of music.

Mixed metaphors

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions