Author: Anonymous Page 29

Education: Forcing abstract ideas into concrete heads.

Definitions Ideas Intelligence

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

Expressions

Half the people you know are below average.

Characteristics People

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

Ignorance is golden.

Mixed metaphors

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

Absence makes a long story short.

Mixed metaphors

“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.

Tom Swifties

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

Tom Swifties

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won’t necessarily know them.

Animals

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

We are just scratching the tip of the iceberg.

Mixed metaphors

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Definitions

“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.

Tom Swifties

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Malaprops

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government