Author: Anonymous Page 3

Accordion: An instrument whose music is long drawn out.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

It's a mute point.

Malaprops

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

Definitions Entertainment Music

“The food here is terrible,” he muttered, swallowing his words.

Tom Swifties

My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.

Appearance Clothing Wives

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

“Congratulations; you graduated,” said Tom diplomatically.

Tom Swifties

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Insults Sex

“I’ve paid my annual subscription,” Tom remembered.

Tom Swifties

Egotism: An anesthetic that nature gives to a man to deaden the pain of being a darn fool.

Definitions

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

They gave him a raw shake.

Mixed metaphors

What happened to the first 6 “ups?”

Communication Food/Drink Language

Business Lunch: Lunch.

Definitions Food/Drink

A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.

Beliefs Government

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request your presents at the marriage of their daughter…

Malaprops

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

Take it with a grain assault.

Malaprops

You could start an argument in an empty house.

Characteristics Expressions