Author: Anonymous Page 30

Executive Suite: A sugar daddy.

Definitions

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women

When I'm sick, I take Casper Oil.

Malaprops

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

Books Communication

Profanity: The father tongue.

Communication Definitions Language Speech

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Abortion: Love's labor lost.

Definitions

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

America Food/Drink Places

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

His ears are so big… he heard the sun come up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

If you know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.

Intelligence

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

My mind is an open slate.

Mixed metaphors

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

Those two get on like a horse on fire.

Mixed metaphors

“They had to amputate them both at the ankles,” said Tom defeatedly.

Tom Swifties

They gave him a raw shake.

Mixed metaphors