Author: Anonymous Page 30

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Age Definitions People Young

It’s all moth-eared.

Malaprops

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Communication Education Learning Speech

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

“The insect in William’s hand is wearing a yarmulka!” said Tom jubilantly.

Tom Swifties

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Appearance Body Definitions

Forger: The man who gives a check a bad name.

Definitions

They try to balance a fine line.

Mixed metaphors

“England is okay, except there seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse”, said Tom aloofly.

Tom Swifties

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Definitions People

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Communication Men Speech Women

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

He’s not the one with his ass in a noose.

Mixed metaphors

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Education Learning Memory

“The situation is grave,” Tom said cryptically.

Tom Swifties

If you spill the beans, then you'll open a can of worms.

Mixed metaphors