Author: Anonymous Page 30

Window Dresser: A girl who doesn’t pull down the shades.

Definitions People

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

“You must be my host,” Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

Hanging: A suspended sentence.

Definitions

Till the cows freeze over.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m the butcher’s assistant,” said Tom cuttingly.

Tom Swifties

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Tom Swifties

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Sewing Circle: A group of women who needle each other.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

Our ship was caught in a typhoid.

Malaprops

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Intelligence Stupidity

It's as American as killing two birds with one apple pie.

Mixed metaphors

Sociology: Journalism without news.

Definitions

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

There is no pancreas to the whole world's problems.

Malaprops

He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.

Mixed metaphors

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions