Author: Anonymous Page 30

99 times out of ten, that's what you'll get.

Mixed metaphors

 “My parents are called Billy and Nanny,” Tom kidded.

Tom Swifties

“It’s an actual parameter, not a formal parameter,” was Tom’s argument.

Tom Swifties

We’re on the same page length.

Mixed metaphors

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Don’t eat with your mouth full!

Mixed metaphors

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

Selfishness: Annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.

Definitions

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

Definitions Entertainment

Stomach: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

Body Definitions

They're a legend before their time.

Mixed metaphors

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions

Love: Oceans of emotions surrounded by expanses of expenses.

Definitions Emotions Love

You were at your wit’s nerve.

Mixed metaphors

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

Expressions

Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in speech… or perhaps, something else.

Definitions

The whole ball of worms

Malaprops

Before arguing with your boss, make absolutely sure you’re right – then let the matter drop.

Beliefs

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties