Author: Anonymous Page 31

She has extra-century perception.

Malaprops

I don't want to hold an open manhole over your head.

Mixed metaphors

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions

The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.

Entertainment Malaprops

That room was so small you couldn’t cuss a cat without gettting fur in your mouth!

Expressions

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

Age

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

Due process of elimination

Mixed metaphors

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Definitions

“Would anyone like some Parmesan?” asked Tom gratingly.

Tom Swifties

Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Definitions

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

Don't count all your eggs in one basket.

Mixed metaphors

I can read him like the back of my book.

Mixed metaphors

You can take that to the bank and smoke it.

Mixed metaphors

I never liked him and I always will.

Insults

Spinster: An unlusted number.

Definitions People Women