Author: Anonymous Page 31

New systems generate new problems.

I rented The Cool Surface last week; words can't describe how awful it is. I'm a big Teri Hatcher fan, but a rental… is $2.75 thrown down the drain. Save your money by reading the attached plot synopsis: 
[WARNING: spoiler follows] Teri Hatcher has breasts. They look OK.

Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Let’s not open that can of worms until we get this one nailed down.

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice for all

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.

“There’s someone at the front door,” Tom chimed in.