Author: Anonymous Page 31

We'll rewind the calendar.

Mixed metaphors

Zebra: A horse behind bars.

Animals Definitions

Armadillo: Possum on the half shell.

Animals Definitions

“Don’t call me a oddball,” Tom replied evenly.

Tom Swifties

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

The lining's always more silver on the other side of the cloud.

Mixed metaphors

I will be brief… not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech; he said 'I will be so brief I have already finished,' and he sat down."

Communication Speech

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

“Do you know the location?” asked Tom warily.

Tom Swifties

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Success

The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.

Mixed metaphors

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.

Definitions Government Politicians

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

He’s about as awkward as a cow on crutches.

Expressions

A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.

People

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

The head of the body overseeing youth justice…

Mixed metaphors

Garage: Something usually built with a house attached.

Definitions

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults