Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 31
New systems generate new problems.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
I rented
The Cool Surface
last week; words can't describe how awful it is. I'm a big Teri Hatcher fan, but a rental… is $2.75 thrown down the drain. Save your money by reading the attached plot synopsis: [WARNING: spoiler follows] Teri Hatcher has breasts. They look OK.
Anonymous
Reviews/Criticism
“The Cool Surface”
Teri Hatcher
Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
Teacher
Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.
Anonymous
Definitions
Relationships
Courtship
Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
Anonymous
Children
Definitions
Family
Quiet
X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
People
Genetics
X Chromosome
Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Absence makes the heart go wander.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Grow fonder
Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sports
Let’s not open that can of worms until we get this one nailed down.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Wordplay
Penicillin
He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.
Anonymous
Age
Exaggerations
Old
He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it
has
to go down.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Apple
I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.
Anonymous
Animals
Exaggerations
Places
Alaska
Mosquitoes
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Language
Feet
Nose
A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.
Anonymous
Problems
Things
Water nozzle
I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.
Anonymous
Communication
Expressions
Get to the point
Hurry up
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice for all
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.
Anonymous
Age
Ideas
“There’s someone at the front door,” Tom chimed in.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Page 31 of 161
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