Author: Anonymous Page 31

“I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures,” said Tom autobiographically.

Tom Swifties

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

“There’s nothing wrong with demons,” Tom said implicitly.

Tom Swifties

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Definitions

Misconception: A pregnancy occurring while taking birth control pills.

Definitions

Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him; the smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.

Golf Sports

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Definitions

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Autos Intelligence Stupidity Things

Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.

Definitions

The doctor felt the man's purse and thought it was awfully low.

Health Malaprops

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

Beer… so much more than just a breakfast drink.

Beer Food/Drink

We drove a stake in the stand.

Misspokements

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

Definitions Law

The rain was coming down in droves!

Mixed metaphors Science/Weather

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

Communism: Nobody’s got nothin’, but everybody’s workin’.

Definitions

He looks like a bag of antlers.

Appearance Body Expressions

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors