Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 31
Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bisexual
Spinster: An unlusted number.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Women
Spinster
… prostate with grief
Anonymous
Malaprops
Prostrate
Tony Soprano
Beware geeks bearing scripts.
Anonymous
Reviews/Criticism
Headline to a film review of “Troy”
Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Parking Space
We'd like a room with a southern
explosion.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Exposure
Actions speak louder than words — but not so often.
Anonymous
Communication
Actions
Hunch: What you call an idea that you’re afraid is wrong.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hunch
“I’m the butcher’s assistant,” said Tom cuttingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.
Anonymous
Definitions
Balanced Diet
Cut the
biblical
cord.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Umbilical
“I insist on naming the first male insect”, said Tom adamantly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.
Anonymous
Appearance
Exaggerations
Ugly
I went skiing last week and broke a leg… fortunately it wasn’t mine.
Anonymous
Sports
Skiing
Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.
Anonymous
Divorce
Marriage
Alimony
He knew how to butter his nest.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Chicken: An egg factory.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Chicken
Eggs
The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Intelligence
Confidence
Ignorance
Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.
Anonymous
Education
School
Graduate school
Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.
Anonymous
Definitions
Insults
Retraction
Angler: A man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Angler
Fishing
Page 31 of 161
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