Author: Anonymous Page 32

Money roots out all evil.

Mixed metaphors

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

A rolling stone kills no birds.

Mixed metaphors

“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.

Tom Swifties

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Education Occupations Work

“This mental ward is busy,” said Tom crazily.

Tom Swifties

Kill two cats with one bag.

Mixed metaphors

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request your presents at the marriage of their daughter…

Malaprops

Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.

Body Definitions Men

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

“I’m on social security,” said Tom dolefully.

Tom Swifties

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

“You’re busted!” said the policeman to Miss Parton.

Tom Swifties

“For goodness sakes, use a broom,” Tom bristled.

Tom Swifties

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Definitions Doctors Health

“Why shouldn’t I stir my coffee with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

It is so hot… today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

He had to use a fire distinguisher.

Malaprops