Author: Anonymous Page 32

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

They’re diabolically opposed.

Malaprops

Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.

Definitions Golf Sports

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

“I’ve an urgent appointment,” said Tom in Russian.

Tom Swifties

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words

“I hate math,” Tom added.

Tom Swifties

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Definitions Wordplay

Experience: A form of knowledge acquired only two ways: by doing and being done.

Definitions

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

Marriage is bliss… Ignorance is bliss… Ergo…

Emotions Happiness Marriage

We have taken care of all of the silver bullets.

Mixed metaphors

“These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8,” said Tom bitingly.

Tom Swifties

The worst part about politics is that you're always right and no one ever knows it

Government Politics

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

Collection: A church function in which many take but a passing interest.

Definitions

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

Morality: An instinctive sense of right and wrong that tells some people how everyone else should behave.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors