Author: Anonymous Page 32

She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

handle him with kids’ gloves

Malaprops

Regret: Insight that comes a day too late.

Definitions

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

A rolling stone kills no birds.

Mixed metaphors

Disinheritance: Heir cut.

Definitions

If that's something you expire to do.

Malaprops

“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.

Tom Swifties

I wouldn’t speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying ice.

Expressions Insults Opinion

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Dating Definitions Relationships

“Here is your hotdog,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

He was lookin' at me like a country mule lookin at a freight train.

Expressions

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

He experienced some rectal breeding.

Malaprops

Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Definitions Occupations

Politics: Where people work hard to get a job and do nothing after they get it.

Definitions Government Politics

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

“What’s a wide-angle lens?” asked Tom obtusely.

Tom Swifties

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Definitions

You’re fighting upstream.

Mixed metaphors

They live in a two-storage house.

Malaprops