Author: Anonymous Page 32

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Characteristics Intelligence

“I’m being sent down to the minors,” said Tom beleagueredly.

Tom Swifties

Better not open that Panacea's box.

Mixed metaphors

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

Cooking Definitions

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

“Okay, you can switch on the electric chair now,” said Tom conceitedly.

Tom Swifties

Can’t act… slightly bald… also dances.

Acting Dance Entertainment

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

They try to balance a fine line.

Mixed metaphors

Showoff: A child who is more talented than yours.

Children Definitions Family

“You’re busted!” said the policeman to Miss Parton.

Tom Swifties

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Situations

He wuz smilin' like a rat eatin onions.

Miscellaneous