Author: Anonymous Page 33

They live in a two-storage house.

Malaprops

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Problems Situations

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Taking the bull with both feet

Mixed metaphors

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Definitions

Isn't it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?

Mixed metaphors

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.

Children Definitions Family

Like a four-horned billy goat

Expressions

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.

Accidents Problems Things

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

“Angel dust? Me? Never touch it!” Tom snorted.

Tom Swifties

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health

Money roots out all evil.

Mixed metaphors

Sarong: A simple garment carrying the implicit promise that it will not long stay in place.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

He was grinnin like a possum eatin a sweet tater.

Expressions

He's grinning like a possum eating a persimmon.

Appearance Expressions

I feel like death eatin’ a soda cracker.

Expressions Health