Author: Anonymous Page 33

Great American: What speakers call a man when they can’t think of anything specifically complimentary to say.

Definitions

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

The world is your lobster.

Mixed metaphors

“The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding,” said Tom finally.

Tom Swifties

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Expressions Situations

Tomorrow: What always comes but never arrives.

Definitions Future Time

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Chance: The pseudonym of God when he does not want to sign.

Definitions

Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.

Definitions Entertainment Television

The bottom line boils down to…

Mixed metaphors

“I like camping,” said Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

A seven pound baby arrived last night to frighten the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Sherman Caswell.

Malaprops

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

He's too lazy to scratch his own ass.

Characteristics Expressions

“I’m just an ordinary soldier,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

“Phew! I’ve just finished learning all Shakespeare’s works,” said Tom willfully.

Tom Swifties

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Age Definitions Young

The president will put the ship of state on its feet.

Mixed metaphors

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Emotions Fear Happiness

“The roof is about to collapse”, Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions