Author: Anonymous Page 33

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,876 times a day.

Definitions

I looked to see what I could hear.

Mixed metaphors

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.

Appearance Body Wordplay

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Moss never grows on a fish out of water.

Mixed metaphors

Abortion: Love's labor lost.

Definitions

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

It ain't rocket surgery.

Mixed metaphors

Marriage: A deal in which a man gives away half his groceries in order to get the other half cooked.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Marriage

“3.14159265,” Tom said piously.

Tom Swifties

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

Marriage is bliss… Ignorance is bliss… Ergo…

Emotions Happiness Marriage

Carpet: A floor covering that is bought by the yard and worn by the foot.

Definitions

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Situations Things

Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.

Definitions

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

The scripts needs to be kept in sink.

Malaprops

Tackle that hurdle

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve mailed the letter,” Tom assented.

Tom Swifties

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School