Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 33
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Anonymous
Success
Work
Ability
Optimist: An anti-skeptic.
Anonymous
Definitions
Optimist
He is so stupid… it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Intelligence
Stupidity
Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Taxes
Taxation
Never put all your eggs in one omelet.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Makeup: What it takes to look natural.
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Makeup
Second Place: The first loser.
Anonymous
Definitions
Second Place
“Eating uranium can cause strange effects,” said Tom brightly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Busier than a puppy in room full of rubber balls.
Anonymous
Expressions
Busy
He was bothered mentally mainly by the physical plague.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Beyond the question of a doubt
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I would not trust him with a ten foot pole.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Trust
Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
Specialist
Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Men
Penis
White Lie: Aversion of the truth.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
Honesty
Lies
Truth
White Lie
That room was so small you couldn’t cuss a cat without gettting fur in your mouth!
Anonymous
Expressions
Rooms
Size
“I had an accident in the kitchen,” said Tom with panache.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Make no
delusions
about the past!
Anonymous
Malaprops
Allusions
Judgment
So cross-eyed he could look at his own head.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Eyes
Other expressions
She looks better goin than comin!
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Expressions
Ugly
Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Genealogist
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