Author: Anonymous Page 33

“It’s freezing,” Tom muttered icily.

Tom Swifties

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

“The lion has its head caught in the skylight,” said Tom uproariously.

Tom Swifties

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions

An alarm clock is built with a mechanism to scare the daylights into you.

Things

I haven’t seen him for donkey’s ears!

Malaprops

Zipping one’s lips and throwing away the key

Mixed metaphors

“Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.

Tom Swifties

“Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I sleep in a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I sleep in a teepee”, said Tom very attentively.

Tom Swifties

Isn't it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?

Mixed metaphors

“It’s homemade soup,” said Tom uncannily.

Tom Swifties

“I’m about to hit the golf ball,” Tom forewarned.

Tom Swifties

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Definitions

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

“Who discovered radium?” asked Tom curiously.

Tom Swifties

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions

I'm going to the store to buy a soup latrine.

Malaprops