Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 34
I'm sweating like a stuck pig.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.
Anonymous
Expressions
Intelligence
Stupidity
He was a man of great
statue.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Malaprops
Stature
Maps: The shorthand of geography.
Anonymous
Definitions
Maps
“This is where I keep my arrows,” said Tom quiveringly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Communism: The cause that suppresses.
Anonymous
Definitions
Communism
Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bank Robber
He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.
Anonymous
Appearance
Exaggerations
Fat
“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,
Anonymous
Occupations
Work
Censors
Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.
Anonymous
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Unopposed candidate
I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.
Anonymous
Animals
Exaggerations
Places
Alaska
Mosquitoes
Home: The place where you can scratch any place you itch.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Home
We wanted to help the
indiguous
people of the country.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Indigenous
It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Heat
Science/Weather
Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Charity
Telemarketers
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
Anonymous
Characteristics
God
Life
Complaining
“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“That just doesn’t add up,” said Tom, nonplussed.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
Anonymous
Communication
Rhetorical questions
Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Games
Strip Poker
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