Author: Anonymous Page 34

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Malaprops

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Fad: Something that goes in one era and out the other.

Definitions

“If I die, you get everything,” said Tom willingly.

Tom Swifties

Minister: A travel agent for the straight and narrow.

Definitions

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

“A dog bit me,” said Tom rabidly.

Tom Swifties

I want to be sure we don't build ourselves a bag of worms.

Mixed metaphors

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Children Definitions Family

Gluttony: A sign something is eating us.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

He lies so bad he hires somebody to call his dogs.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty Lies

Abash: A high school graduation party.

Definitions

Gigolo: A fee-male.

Definitions Wordplay

Never judge a book by its title.

Mixed metaphors

Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.

Beliefs Communication

Secret: Information you tell to one person at a time.

Definitions

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.

Appearance Definitions Fat

Heredity: The bad traits a child gets from the other side of the family.

Definitions Family

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

“I was the first to climb Mount Everest,” said Tom hilariously.

Tom Swifties

Reformer: One who wants his conscience to be your guide.

Definitions