Author: Anonymous Page 34

It's always darkest before dawn… so if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Beliefs

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Definitions Wordplay

Let's do this in one foul sweep.

Malaprops

“I’m waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

“Can I become a chorister?” Tom inquired.

Tom Swifties

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.

Tom Swifties

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Characteristics

“I brush my teeth several times a day,” said Tom implacably.

Tom Swifties

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations

Silence: True wisdom’s best reply.

Definitions Wisdom

Well, that's a feather in your pocket.

Mixed metaphors

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

Science/Weather

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Anger Definitions Emotions

“I wouldn’t like anything but just that,” said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

I don't want to hold an open manhole over your head.

Mixed metaphors

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Autos Science/Weather Situations Things