Author: Anonymous Page 34

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions

“I still haven’t struck oil,” said Tom boringly.

Tom Swifties

Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in!

Situations

It ain't rocket surgery.

Mixed metaphors

He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.

Appearance Body Expressions

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

Definitions Food/Drink

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Heckler: A guy who ribs you the wrong way.

Definitions Wordplay

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

Animals Dogs Education

Regret: Insight that comes a day too late.

Definitions

“I can’t do it!” Tom said notably.

Tom Swifties

Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.

Definitions Music

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

The bigger the box, the bigger the things that won't fit in it.

Miscellaneous

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

Miscellaneous

Alphabet: A toy for children found in books, blocks, pictures, and some soup.

Communication Definitions Language

It sticks out like a sore throat.

Mixed metaphors

They're a legend before their time.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve got another @#$%*! insect in my pants”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties