Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 34
Center Of Mass: The Priest.
Anonymous
Definitions
Center Of Mass
“I’m falling into a void,” said Tom flawlessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Did you watch the space
shovel
take off?
Anonymous
Malaprops
Shuttle
Executive: A man who talks to visitors so the other employees can get their work done.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Work
Executive
e-mail: An advertising medium which is misused for personal messaging.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
e-mail
Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dictator
So cross-eyed he could look at his own head.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Eyes
Other expressions
Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.
Anonymous
Definitions
Lawyers
Shyster
“Pretend we were in the days before railways,” Tom coached.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
Anonymous
Insults
Intelligence
Discretion: Being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
Anonymous
Definitions
Discretion
They live in a
two-storage
house.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Two story
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Anonymous
Intelligence
Memory
Past
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Honeymoon
He was recently diagnosed with
prostrate
cancer.
Anonymous
Health
Malaprops
Prostate
What a messy house. How can they live in such
squander.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Filth
Squalor
Money can't buy everything… but then again, neither can no money.
Anonymous
Money
They are crumbling at the seams.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Anonymous
Emotions
Love
Marriage
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
Anonymous
Emotions
Love
Sex
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