Author: Anonymous Page 34

Brothel: Home is where the tart is.

Definitions

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

It’s all moth-eared.

Malaprops

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

We’ll do this individually as a group.

Mixed metaphors

Dreams do come through.

Malaprops

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy.”

Death

“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.

Tom Swifties

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Age Definitions Wives

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

Tom Swifties

“I just came in through the door,” said Tom, entranced.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.

Tom Swifties

“What are these berries?” Tom rasped.

Tom Swifties

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

“Watch this insect sail through the air,” said Tom flippantly.

Tom Swifties

The mosquitoes in Louisiana are so big, they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!

Animals Exaggerations

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

Education School