Author: Anonymous Page 34

I'm sweating like a stuck pig.

Mixed metaphors

Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

He was a man of great statue.

Appearance Body Malaprops

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

“This is where I keep my arrows,” said Tom quiveringly.

Tom Swifties

Communism: The cause that suppresses.

Definitions

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

Animals Exaggerations Places

Home: The place where you can scratch any place you itch.

Definitions Places

We wanted to help the indiguous people of the country.

Malaprops

It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

“That just doesn’t add up,” said Tom, nonplussed.

Tom Swifties

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Communication

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions