Author: Anonymous Page 35

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

“Look at my shiny kitchen floor”, said Tom, waxing enthusiastic.

Tom Swifties

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Philosophers: People who talk about something they don’t understand, and make you think it’s your fault.

Definitions Intelligence People

If worse comes to shove

Mixed metaphors

Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..

Definitions

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Is this a whole nother bucket of worms?

Mixed metaphors

“Another plate of seafood for me!” Tom clamored.

Tom Swifties

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

Misspokements

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

Put your monkey where your mouth is.

Malaprops Money

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

Definitions

The rain was coming down in droves!

Mixed metaphors Science/Weather

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

Food/Drink Men People

Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.

Definitions Entertainment Television

“It’s twelve noon,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties