Author: Anonymous Page 35

“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

The head of the body overseeing youth justice…

Mixed metaphors

It's got lots of installation.

Appearance Clothing Malaprops

That man is a real charmer, a regular Don Coyote.

Malaprops People

“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.

Tom Swifties

During exams you are permitted to look down for inspiration and up in exasperation, but you are not permitted to look side to side for information.

Education

“My compliments to the company that makes the Macintosh computer”, said Tom applaudingly.

Tom Swifties

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Autos Husbands Marriage Wives

If you don't want someone to get your goat, don't let them know where it's tied.

Expressions

“Why is this telephone flex always tangled?” asked Tom coyly.

Tom Swifties

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

Like stealing cake from a baby

Mixed metaphors

Tackle that hurdle

Mixed metaphors

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

Definitions

I’d like to be sitting in his shoes.

Mixed metaphors

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties