Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 35
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Marriage
Sex
Television
The Three Ages of Marriage
Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience
Anonymous
People
Amateur
Experience
I would not trust him with a ten foot pole.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Trust
I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Fat
“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
You could take that guy with a grain a salt.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s
pheasants.
Anonymous
Malaprops
People
Poverty
Peasants
Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.
Anonymous
Children
Communication
Family
Honesty
Lies
Speech
Truth
Embarrassment
Silence is bliss.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Silence
We certainly don't want to rock the apple cart.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.
Anonymous
Autos
Definitions
Things
Car Pool
Fiddlesticks: Violin bows.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fiddlesticks
Violins
Politicians are like diapers; they both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
Anonymous
Government
Politicians
Diapers
It's time to swallow the bullet.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“It’s become much bigger,” said Tom with a groan.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
… on
hollowed
ground
Anonymous
Malaprops
Hallowed
Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.
Anonymous
Definitions
Shopping
Consumer
Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Bowling alley
Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Parents
Wordplay
Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.
Anonymous
Definitions
Failure
Problems
Things
Percussive Maintenance
Cookie: A standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Cookie
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