Author: Anonymous Page 35

Pessimist: A person who looks at a doughnut and sees nothing but the hole.

Definitions

Vuja de: The feeling you've never been here.

Definitions

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Definitions

He was lookin' at me like a country mule lookin at a freight train.

Expressions

Farmer: The only man who can lose money every year, live well, educate his children, and then die rich.

Definitions

“Are you all governors?” Tom asked, bored.

Tom Swifties

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Age Definitions People Young

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

Adam’s Rib: The original bone of contention.

Definitions

Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”

Communication Definitions Language

She is so stupid… she took a blood test and failed.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Exercise: The joy of flex.

Activities Definitions Exercise

We raised it to new depths.

Mixed metaphors

A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.

Mixed metaphors

The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.

Education Malaprops

Wig: A convertible top.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

He really grates me up the wrong way.

Mixed metaphors

It is so hot… the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather