Author: Anonymous Page 36

“I can’t march any more!” the soldier called haltingly.

Tom Swifties

Deterrence: The art of producing, in the mind of the enemy, the fear to attack.

Definitions

He is so dumb… his dog teaches him tricks.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

Definitions

Money roots out all evil.

Mixed metaphors

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

Hypochondriac: One who can’t leave well-enough alone.

Definitions Health

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

Places Situations World

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Autos Husbands Marriage Wives

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

When all is said and done, more is said than done.

Communication Speech

He used to kiss her on her lips, but it's all over now.

Situations

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

Income Tax: The entry fee for the rat race.

Definitions Government Taxes

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Definitions Entertainment Music

“Do you think I’m a dull person?” Tom asked bluntly.

Tom Swifties

“Perhaps I will,” said Tom with all his might.

Tom Swifties