Author: Anonymous Page 36

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

If you could get it working I'd be internally grateful.

Malaprops

“I’ve got to stop this motor,” Tom choked.

Tom Swifties

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops

Seeing a buzzard catch a rare phalarope is in bird-watching terms, like killing two birds with one stone.

Mixed metaphors

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

He is so fat… his driver's license says, “picture continued on other side.”

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Great American: What speakers call a man when they can’t think of anything specifically complimentary to say.

Definitions

“I’ve stopped seeing my therapist”, said Tom unshrinkingly.

Tom Swifties

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

It looks like the cows have come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.

Death Definitions

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Characteristics Intelligence Situations Understanding

“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.

Tom Swifties

The acrobats are performing freaks at the circus.

Entertainment Malaprops

They live so deep in the woods they kept possums as yard dogs.

Animals Expressions Places Situations