Author: Anonymous Page 37

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Situations

Life: Coming into the world wit nothing, leaving with nothing and, in between, giving everything to the IRS.

Definitions Life Taxes

He was married to an acrobat, but she caught him in the act.

Communication Wordplay

Cemetery: A place people are dying to get into.

Definitions

“It’s just gold leaf”, said Tom guiltily.

Tom Swifties

Clearly we’ve opened a Pandora’s box of worms here.

Mixed metaphors

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

Clothing Definitions

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Definitions Sex

“Why shouldn’t I stir my yoghurt with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

He was shaking like a 50¢ ladder.

Expressions

A rolling stone gathers no moths.

Malaprops

Bigotry is being certain of something you know nothing about.

Beliefs

“I was raised in a foster home,” said Tom transparently.

Tom Swifties

“I am not full of hot air,” Tom belched.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

“That’s more or less correct,” Tom said roughly.

Tom Swifties

When you boil it down to its nuts and bolts

Mixed metaphors