Author: Anonymous Page 37

That’ll separate the girls from the sheep.

Mixed metaphors

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Acting Eating Entertainment Food/Drink Occupations

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

That guy is a wolf in cheap clothing.

Mixed metaphors

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

I can read him like the back of my book.

Mixed metaphors

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

Conflict Crime Definitions

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

“This food tastes of plutonium,” said Tom glowingly.

Tom Swifties

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

I’m getting up on my feedbox here.

Mixed metaphors

I got a run in my neon stockings.

Clothing Malaprops

It's on the tip of my frontal lobotomy.

Mixed metaphors

Center Of Mass: The Priest.

Definitions

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Health

She plummeted the deaths of inequity.

Malaprops

“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.

Tom Swifties

Barber: The town cutup.

Definitions Wordplay

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

Appendix: A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.

Definitions