Author: Anonymous Page 37

We are born naked, wet, and hungry; then things get worse.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider.

Expressions Food/Drink

She’s suffering from a detached rectum.

Malaprops

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

The crust of the problem

Malaprops

“I’m sure we can fool them into thinking this is pollen,” said Tom beguilingly.

Tom Swifties

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.

Mixed metaphors

Nail our fingers to the mast

Mixed metaphors

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

A journey of a thousand miles keeps the doctor away.

Mixed metaphors

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

Life is a terminal disease.

Health Life

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth

Specialist: A man who knows more and more about less and less.

Definitions

It's a big nut to swallow.

Mixed metaphors

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Situations Time