Author: Anonymous Page 37

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions

His ears are so big… he heard the sun come up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

They're a legend before their time.

Mixed metaphors

“I don’t know any shanties,” said Tom unceasingly.

Tom Swifties

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Intelligence Memory Past

Nun: A creature of habit.

Definitions Religion

Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions

“I feel so empty,” said Tom vacuously.

Tom Swifties

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

I wouldn’t speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying ice.

Expressions Insults Opinion

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Activities Definitions Drugs Science/Weather

Committee: A group which succeeds in getting something done only when it consists of three members, one of whom happens to be sick and the other absent.

Definitions

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

Philosophers: People who talk about something they don’t understand, and make you think it’s your fault.

Definitions Intelligence People

Newspaper: A publication that condemns gambling and promotes lottery numbers.

Definitions

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

“I make the armor out of chain links,” Tom replied by mail.

Tom Swifties