Author: Anonymous Page 37

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

Idle hands are the mother of invention.

Mixed metaphors

I’d sooner be in hell with my back broke.

Expressions Situations

You can put the cart before the horse, but you can't make him drink.

Mixed metaphors

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

“I pulled a hamstring,” said Tom limply.

Tom Swifties

Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.

Definitions

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

You have to take the bad with the worse.

Mixed metaphors

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess,” Tom began grimly.

Tom Swifties

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

Boomerang: A working model of poetic justice.

Things

Fore: A golf bawl.

Definitions Golf Sports

He really grates me up the wrong way.

Mixed metaphors

“Don’t you know my name?” asked Tom swiftly.

Tom Swifties

Running around like children with their heads cut off

Mixed metaphors