Author: Anonymous Page 38

A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure.

Mixed metaphors

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Take a flying hike.

Mixed metaphors

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

Whether the glass is half-full or half empty, depends on whether you are drinking or pouring.

Situations

“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.

Tom Swifties

If there’s ever a price on your head – take it.

Insults

Post Office: U.S. Snail.

Communication Definitions

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Communication Wordplay

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

It is so hot… I saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Definitions People

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

Fat: Energy gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat

Chatterbox: Another name for a telephone booth.

Definitions Things

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Intelligence Stupidity

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

Emotions Memory Past

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech

Don't look a gift horse in the eye.

Mixed metaphors