Author: Anonymous Page 38

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

I'll bet she has her clothes made by Orville, the tent maker.

Malaprops

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it.

Communication Speech

Enema: Not a friend.

Definitions

We were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.

Food/Drink Places

She grabbed the bull by the horns, and ran with it.

Mixed metaphors

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

But I don't have an intricate relationship with it.

Malaprops

“Melinda broke my heart,” Tom said half-heartedly.

Tom Swifties

Spare the rod, spoil the broth.

Mixed metaphors

Accordion: A pleated bagpipe.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

“Now, how can I trick Sidney?” Tom considered.

Tom Swifties

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

It is so hot… I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

It was so cold… politicians stopped blowing hot air.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Talk about rubbing salt in the fire!

Mixed metaphors

“I like ragged margins,” said Tom without justification.

Tom Swifties

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions