Author: Anonymous Page 38

He’s so chincy, he can call his every dollar by its first name.

Frugal Miscellaneous Money

Man was predestined to have free will.

Miscellaneous

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.

Children Definitions Family

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

There is no pancreas to the whole world's problems.

Malaprops

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.

Mixed metaphors

“This way to the seabird exhibit”, said Tom awkwardly.

Tom Swifties

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.

People

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

Insults

It is so hot… the cows arre giving evaporated milk.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Definitions

Can’t act… slightly bald… also dances.

Acting Dance Entertainment

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Life Proverbs

He smokes like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

Run your kite up the flagpole

Mixed metaphors