Author: Anonymous Page 39

He’s about as awkward as a cow on crutches.

Expressions

“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.

Tom Swifties

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

We drove a stake in the stand.

Misspokements

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

You can dish it out, but you can't take it with you.

Mixed metaphors

Clichés: Fixtures of speech.

Definitions Language

She's skating on thin water.

Mixed metaphors

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars

Men People Women

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Malaprops

New systems generate new problems.

Murphy’s Laws

Bowling: Marbles for grown-ups.

Activities Definitions

“The insect in William’s hand is wearing a yarmulka!” said Tom jubilantly.

Tom Swifties

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.

Activities Definitions

It doesn't take rocket appliances.

Intelligence Malaprops

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time

Once you open a can of worms, they always come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, in addition to when it is removed.

Cooking Definitions

He’s not the one with his ass in a noose.

Mixed metaphors