Author: Anonymous Page 39

It was so cold… my shadow froze to the sidewalk.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Characteristics Definitions

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

Microsoft™ is thoroughly dropping the ball on that front.

Mixed metaphors

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Mixed metaphors

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

When my dad was explaining the facts of life to me, he drew me a big diaphragm.

Malaprops

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“The executioner has received the tool he needs”, said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Fore: A golf bawl.

Definitions Golf Sports

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

Definitions Things

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

Definitions Sex

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

The flood damage was so bad they had to evaporate the city.

Malaprops

She is so fat… she laid on the beach and people tried to push her back into the ocean.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

Education Insults

I don't want to step on your thunder.

Mixed metaphors

He swept the rug under the carpet.

Mixed metaphors