Author: Anonymous Page 39

“Eating uranium makes me feel funny,” said Tom radiantly.

Tom Swifties

“Now no-one can detect my halitosis,” said Tom breathlessly.

Tom Swifties

This thing is snowballing like a house afire!

Mixed metaphors

A wink is as good as a nod, to a blind horse.

Expressions

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

“I’m taking this ship back into harbor,” Tom reported.

Tom Swifties

Talk about rubbing salt in the fire!

Mixed metaphors

Nothing out of the unusual

Mixed metaphors

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.

Beliefs Government

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Money roots out all evil.

Mixed metaphors

Farmer: The only man who can lose money every year, live well, educate his children, and then die rich.

Definitions

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

Definitions

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

Situations

“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.

Tom Swifties

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Clichés: Fixtures of speech.

Definitions Language