Author: Anonymous Page 39

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

Money Wealth Work

“This is the fastest way to get drunk,” said Tom quixotically.

Tom Swifties

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

“The radio reception is much better now,” said Tom ecstatically.

Tom Swifties

Incest is relatively boring.

Family Sex Wordplay

“Has the bear gone away?” asked Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

Canada is like your attic, you forget that it's up there, but when you go, it's like "Oh man, look at all this great stuff!"

Canada Places

Too many skeletons in her background

Mixed metaphors

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

Once you open a can of worms, they always come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

“I pulled a hamstring,” said Tom limply.

Tom Swifties

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Liberal: A man with his mind open at both ends.

Beliefs Definitions People

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

People

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions