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Fitness: Salvation through perspiration.

Definitions

We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

Eating Expressions Food/Drink Money Poverty

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Definitions Science/Weather

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

“I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more,” Tom said with a deadpan expression.

Tom Swifties

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

Autos Marriage Things

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

Tom Swifties

The only reason she made it to the top was because her clothes didn't.

Appearance Body Clothing Success

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

Age

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: never repeat yourself.

Miscellaneous

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men

… has eaten into the grocery chain’s luxury food side.

Mixed metaphors

It will be music to your wallet.

Mixed metaphors

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's too late to close the barn door.

Mixed metaphors

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

“One of the ten finalists in the ‘London derriere’ contest had to drop out”, said Tom asininely.

Tom Swifties

“The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding,” said Tom finally.

Tom Swifties

She has bigger dogs to fry.

Mixed metaphors

“I didn’t do well in the test,” Tom said degradedly.

Tom Swifties