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Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

Definitions Money

We drove around and looked at some apartments, and then we looked at some condoms.

Malaprops

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Characteristics Definitions

Hold the Farm!

Mixed metaphors

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

A bird in the hand is mightier than the sword.

Mixed metaphors

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

Let’s get down to brass tax.

Malaprops Situations

I'm bone empty.

Mixed metaphors

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

… one says to the other her mum had a cyst on on her aviary.

Health Malaprops

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Definitions Food/Drink

It was so cold… we had lunch at the "Greasy Spoon" – just for the heartburn.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Communication Expressions

She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

Appearance Expressions

The early worm is being picked first.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I teach at a university,” Tom professed.

Tom Swifties

Off the cuff of my head.

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather