Author: Anonymous Page 4

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors

I'm busier than a stump full of ants.

Activities Situations

A man's home is his castle – let him clean it.

Mixed metaphors

There is no pancreas to the whole world's problems.

Malaprops

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay

Television: A watching machine.

Entertainment Television

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

Can’t act… slightly bald… also dances.

Acting Dance Entertainment

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

“I need an injection,” Tom pleaded in vain.

Tom Swifties

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

Easy Payments: The ones that are easier said than done.

Definitions

This is really a jack of all trades and master of non.

Misspokements

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

There's light at the end of this rainbow.

Mixed metaphors

He looks like the hindquarters of bad luck.

Appearance Expressions

“That’s price-fixing!” said Tom caustically.

Tom Swifties

Consultant: Someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Definitions

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.

Mixed metaphors