Author: Anonymous Page 40

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Communication

“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.

Tom Swifties

Artificial Insemination: Impregnation without representation and procreation without recreation.

Definitions

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

He is so fat… I had to take a train and two buses just to get on his good side.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.

Definitions Money

The crust of the problem

Malaprops

“I couldn’t believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!” Tom recounted.

Tom Swifties

“Everything in Texas is bigger,” he said in measured tones; “Even the cowboys,” he continued hoarsely.

Tom Swifties

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.

Tom Swifties

Once again, the Achilles' heel has reared its ugly head.

Mixed metaphors

Anonymous: The worlds most popular author.

Definitions

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Characteristics

“The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Yodeling: Slope opera.

Definitions Wordplay

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports