Author: Anonymous Page 40

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

Age Definitions People Young

“We’d like a table for two,” said Tom without reservation.

Tom Swifties

Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.

Definitions Money Past Time

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Keep a stiff upper chin.

Mixed metaphors

Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.

Definitions People Work

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

Nervous as a hound pissing peach pits

Emotions Expressions

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

Autumn is the most beautiful time of the year to the person who has no leaves to rake.

Science/Weather

If these walls could talk, they'd probably say, "No! Not the nails again! Not the hammer!

Communication Wordplay

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

“I think I’ll use a different font,” said Tom boldly.

Tom Swifties

Bury it under the carpet

Mixed metaphors

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

Once you open a can of worms, they always come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“We can’t let the fire die out,” Tom bellowed.

Tom Swifties

She's skating on thin water.

Mixed metaphors

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

People

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly