Author: Anonymous Page 40

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Winter: The time of year when it gets later earlier.

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

We'd like a room with a southern explosion.

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

“I hear a brook,” Tom babbled.

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer. 

Let sleeping ducks lie.

“This is the wrong tree,” Tom barked, as he climbed up.

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

“Let’s all play an A, a C#, and an E”, cried the band with one accord.