Author: Anonymous Page 40

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

Winter: The time of year when it gets later earlier.

Definitions Science/Weather

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Tom Swifties

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

We'd like a room with a southern explosion.

Malaprops

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

“I hear a brook,” Tom babbled.

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Beliefs Proverbs

Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Definitions

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Body Cold Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Age Definitions

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Emotions Love Sex

Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer. 

Beer Food/Drink

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

“This is the wrong tree,” Tom barked, as he climbed up.

Tom Swifties

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

Problems Things

“Let’s all play an A, a C#, and an E”, cried the band with one accord.

Tom Swifties