Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 40
Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.
Anonymous
Definitions
Budget
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
Anonymous
Communication
Rhetorical questions
“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Artificial Insemination: Impregnation without representation and procreation without recreation.
Anonymous
Definitions
Artificial Insemination
Phillips Screwdriver: Used to round off Phillips screw heads.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Phillips Screwdriver
He is so fat… I had to take a train and two buses just to get on his good side.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Make like a tree and head out.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Thrift
The
crust
of the problem
Anonymous
Malaprops
Crux
“I couldn’t believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!” Tom recounted.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Everything in Texas is bigger,” he said in measured tones; “Even the cowboys,” he continued hoarsely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.
Anonymous
Sex
A former girlfriend describing sex with Nicholas Soames
“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Once again, the Achilles' heel has reared its ugly head.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Anonymous: The worlds most popular author.
Anonymous
Definitions
Anonymous
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Manners
Reflexes
“The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods,” said Tom contentedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Conscience
Yodeling: Slope opera.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Yodeling
The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
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