Author: Anonymous Page 40

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.

Tom Swifties

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

“I’ll get you out of prison in no time,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

Tougher than a boiled owl.

Expressions

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

“Perhaps I will,” said Tom with all his might.

Tom Swifties

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

Definitions Government Money Taxes

Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.

Definitions Emotions

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

Mixed metaphors

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

Science/Weather

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

I got a run in my neon stockings.

Clothing Malaprops

He’d steal flies from a blind spider.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Definitions