Author: Anonymous Page 41

“The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm,” said Tom humorlessly.

Tom Swifties

Expert: A person who knows enough to complicate simple matters.

Definitions

“I’ve grown fat on the contents of charity packages,” said Tom carefully.

Miscellaneous

… forced to wade through a mountain of red tape

Mixed metaphors

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

Ugly as stump full of spiders.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Definitions

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time

He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.

Mixed metaphors

“These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8,” said Tom bitingly.

Tom Swifties

Their relationship was purely plutonic.

Malaprops Relationships

Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.

Accidents Problems Things

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

It was time to get my act in gear.

Mixed metaphors

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

One hundred degrees better

Mixed metaphors

Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch.

Democracy Government

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

He’s wearing a tomahawk haircut.

Malaprops

Absentee: A missing golfing peg.

Definitions Golf Sports