Author: Anonymous Page 41

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

Sometimes they bite the farm.

Mixed metaphors

“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.

Tom Swifties

You've buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Humility: The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how wonderful you are.

Definitions

Depression: A period in which you have no belt to tighten.

Definitions Frugal Money

“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.

Tom Swifties

Blushing: The color of virtue.

Definitions

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Activities Definitions Travel

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

It’s time to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye.

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold… the kids at school were using flannel notebooks.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Snoring: Sound sleeping.

Definitions

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Animals Appearance Dogs Expressions Ugly

“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.

Tom Swifties

He is so fat… his shadow weighs 12 pounds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Enema: Not a friend.

Definitions

“I visit my parents every Sunday,” said Tom weakly.

Tom Swifties

What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity.

Insults Intelligence Stupidity

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions