Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 41
“The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm,” said Tom humorlessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Expert: A person who knows enough to complicate simple matters.
Anonymous
Definitions
Expert
“I’ve grown fat on the contents of charity packages,” said Tom carefully.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
… forced to wade through a mountain of red tape
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
My husband went to Radio Shack and got some
dog ears
for the TV.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Television
Rabbit ears
Ugly as stump full of spiders.
Anonymous
Appearance
Expressions
Ugly
Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.
Anonymous
Definitions
Pregnancy
An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay
radioactively.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Money
Time
Retroactively
He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8,” said Tom bitingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Their relationship was purely
plutonic.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Relationships
Platonic
Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.
Anonymous
Accidents
Problems
Things
Borrowing
Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.
Anonymous
Definitions
Good Neighbor
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Intelligence
People
Gargling
It was time to get my act in gear.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Anonymous
Definitions
Etc.
One hundred degrees better
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Improvement
Percent
Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch.
Anonymous
Democracy
Government
Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.
Anonymous
Definitions
He’s wearing a
tomahawk
haircut.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Haircuts
Mohawk
Absentee: A missing golfing peg.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Sports
Absentee
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