Author: Anonymous Page 42

Seeing a buzzard catch a rare phalarope is in bird-watching terms, like killing two birds with one stone.

Mixed metaphors

Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.

Definitions

Some people pay their bills when due, some when overdue, and some never do.

Money

I’m so hungry I could beat a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

You continue to cloudy the water.

Mixed metaphors

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

He ain’t got enough sense to poor piss out of a boot.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Appearance Clothing

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions Things

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

I dozed in and off.

Mixed metaphors

The guy literally flew down the stairs!

Malaprops

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Situations

He’s a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops

Wig: A convertible top.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Definitions

He was in cardial arrest.

Health Malaprops

Wagging Tail: A happy ending.

Definitions

Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.

Definitions Money Past Time