Author: Anonymous Page 42

Fifty percent of people have a below-average understanding of statistics.

People Science/Weather

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.

Tom Swifties

Whistle: Wind having a narrow escape.

Definitions

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Definitions Sex

Misers make wonderful ancestors.

Frugal Money

Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.

Definitions People

We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.

Malaprops

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

“So, it’s a duel you want!” Tom shot back.

Tom Swifties

What comes around, is all around.

Malaprops

The lining's always more silver on the other side of the cloud.

Mixed metaphors

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things

Busier than a puppy in room full of rubber balls.

Expressions

You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Communication Law Speech

“I didn’t look at all!” Tom peeped.

Tom Swifties

Weed: A plant whose virtues have not been discovered.

Definitions

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

Scholarly Debate: Feud for thought.

Communication Definitions