Author: Anonymous Page 42

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optometrist.

Malaprops

You could have blown me over with a feather.

Misspokements

… quicker than any other slowdowns

Mixed metaphors

Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sixteenth Chapel.

Malaprops

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Age Definitions Wives

Let’s split the baby with the bathwater.

Mixed metaphors

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Definitions Marriage Wives

“I’m a lot taller than I was yesterday,” said Tom gruesomely.

Tom Swifties

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Definitions

Entrepreneur: What you’re called when you don’t have a job.

Definitions

Grass: The green stuff that wilts in the yard and flourishes in the garden.

Definitions

“I won’t tell you anything about my salivary glands,” said Tom secretively.

Tom Swifties

Middle Age: A time of life when winking at a girl is closing one eye to reality.

Age Definitions

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions Things

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

Surely we'll dig up the past, in order to bury the hatchet.

Mixed metaphors

“I wish I had something to write with,” Tom said pensively.

Tom Swifties

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Definitions