Author: Anonymous Page 42

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

“We’ll need a higher price at auction,” Tom said morbidly.

Tom Swifties

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Activities Beer Food/Drink

Quartet: Four men, all of whom think that the other three can’t sing.

Definitions Entertainment

Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in!

Situations

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

He was grinnin' like a possum eatin' bumble bees.

Miscellaneous

Sport: War without killing.

Definitions

“I won’t stand for painting,” said Tom uneasily.

Tom Swifties

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

Definitions Money

It's got lots of installation.

Appearance Clothing Malaprops

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions

Golf: A long walk broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Definitions Golf Sports

Always remember: golf clubs don’t float.

Golf Sports

We’re on the same page length.

Mixed metaphors

Right between the nose

Mixed metaphors

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

Chicken guarding the hen house

Mixed metaphors