Author: Anonymous Page 42

We need to have photographic ears.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve got to stop this motor,” Tom choked.

Tom Swifties

Below: Sing Bass.

Definitions

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

So windy he could blow up an onion sack.

Communication Exaggerations Expressions Speech

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

“I had an accident in the kitchen,” said Tom with panache.

Tom Swifties

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

Clothing Definitions

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words

Courage: Fear in action.

Definitions

“This way to the seabird exhibit”, said Tom awkwardly.

Tom Swifties

Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Language Science/Weather

We raised it to new depths.

Mixed metaphors

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Upgraded and Improved: Didn't work the second time.

Definitions Situations Things

“No, I haven’t read Voltaire,” said Tom candidly.

Tom Swifties