Author: Anonymous Page 43

Dark Ages: Knight time.

Definitions

“What’s the value of a dollar bill?” asked Tom noteworthily.

Tom Swifties

I rented The Cool Surface last week; words can't describe how awful it is. I'm a big Teri Hatcher fan, but a rental… is $2.75 thrown down the drain. Save your money by reading the attached plot synopsis: 
[WARNING: spoiler follows] Teri Hatcher has breasts. They look OK.

Reviews/Criticism

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Bury it under the carpet

Mixed metaphors

God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

Beliefs God

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

Accordion: A pleated bagpipe.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Hole-In-One: An occurrence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole on a single shot by a golfer playing alone.

Definitions Golf Sports

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

“I guess she fell off the motorcycle,” said Tom ruthlessly.

Tom Swifties

Accrue: People who work on a ship.

Definitions

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work

We are proud to be part of a ground-breaking initiative.

Mixed metaphors

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

Well, that’s water under the dam.

Mixed metaphors

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tom Swifties

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.

Definitions