Author: Anonymous Page 44

After-Dinner Speaker: A fellow who rises to the occasion – and then stands too long.

Definitions

I’m so hungry I could beat a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.

Malaprops

Houseplants: Vegetable companions.

Definitions

Synonym: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.

Definitions Language

The less a person knows, the more he wants to tell it.

Fools Intelligence

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Marriage

He is so short… he poses for trophies.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

You'll get into hot water skating on thin ice!

Mixed metaphors

When you boil it down to its nuts and bolts

Mixed metaphors

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Animals Cats

I think the big guns will come to the boil.

Mixed metaphors

Hospital Bed: A parked taxi with the meter running.

Definitions

Harp: A piano in the nude.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

One good thing about apathy is you don’t have to exert yourself to show you’re sincere about it.

Characteristics

Obscenity is whatever gives the judge an erection.

Law Sex

Not enough to say grace over.

Expressions Food/Drink

Ain’t nobody out at that time a night but burglars and bad women.

Expressions Time