Author: Anonymous Page 44

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

“I’m about to hit the golf ball,” Tom forewarned.

Tom Swifties

“Has the bear gone away?” asked Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

The police surrounded the building and threw an accordion around the block.

Malaprops Situations

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

Age Old Situations

Famous Last Words: “This is easy.”

Death Definitions

“We can’t accommodate any more peripherals,” said Tom bus-ily.

Tom Swifties

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

“That’s already been taken care of,” Tom pretended.

Tom Swifties

Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.

Definitions

“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

She’d complain if Jesus came down and handed her a $5 bill.

Characteristics Communication

He’s still green behind the ears.

Mixed metaphors

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Definitions

“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.

Tom Swifties

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Willy-Nilly: Impotent.

Miscellaneous

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

I'm bone empty.

Mixed metaphors