Author: Anonymous Page 44

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men People

Showoff: A child who is more talented than yours.

Children Definitions Family

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

People

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for an allowance and requests a loan.

Children Family

We'll drive off of that bridge when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.

Mixed metaphors

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

That's putting the chicken before the cart.

Mixed metaphors

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

The rain was coming down in droves!

Mixed metaphors Science/Weather

It’s better to have half a cake and eat it and enjoy it, than not to have any cake at all.

Mixed metaphors

Arthritis: Twinges in the hinges.

Definitions Health

Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.

Wordplay