Author: Anonymous Page 45

Can’t act… slightly bald… also dances.

Acting Dance Entertainment

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

Occupations Work

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

“I find you guilty,” said the judge with conviction.

Tom Swifties

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Death Definitions

A bird in the hand is worth two in the tush.

Malaprops

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.

Definitions Emotions

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Beliefs Intelligence Proverbs Understanding

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

“Has my magazine arrived?” Tom asked periodically.

Tom Swifties

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

Work

“Get out of here!” said Tom believingly.

Tom Swifties

I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors