Author: Anonymous Page 45

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Mistakes Problems

It certainly wipes the floor with your usual commemorative tea towels.

Mixed metaphors

Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

Definitions

I’m so hungry I could beat a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

Definitions Marriage

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

Beware my friend… you are skating on hot water.

Mixed metaphors

There are two theories to arguing with women… neither one works.

People Women

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

We should get our foot in the door and get the ball rolling.

Mixed metaphors

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Intelligence

“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.

Tom Swifties

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

Slang: Language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Communication Definitions Language

“This must be an aerobics class,” Tom worked out.

Tom Swifties

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

Tom Swifties

“I feel so empty,” said Tom vacuously.

Tom Swifties

“I can talk faster than you,” Tom expressed.

Tom Swifties

You continue to cloudy the water.

Mixed metaphors