Author: Anonymous Page 45

Once the horse is out of the barn, you can't put him back again.

Mixed metaphors

This will help us to know that we are covering all of the gamuts.

Mixed metaphors

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

He is so ugly… he has to sneak up on his mirror.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Definitions People Women Wordplay

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Definitions

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Science/Weather Situations

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

Miscellaneous

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

Farmer: The only man who can lose money every year, live well, educate his children, and then die rich.

Definitions

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Intelligence Memory

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

Great American: What speakers call a man when they can’t think of anything specifically complimentary to say.

Definitions

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Beliefs Communication Language

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

“The phone reception here is excellent,” he said clearly.

Tom Swifties

He’s wearing a tomahawk haircut.

Malaprops