Author: Anonymous Page 45

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People

He came out of it smelling like a bandit.

Mixed metaphors

Don't mind me, I'm just a mouse on the wall.

Mixed metaphors

“The radio reception is much better now,” said Tom ecstatically.

Tom Swifties

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

Hey, I hope you can help me, I’m kind of up against the gun here.

Mixed metaphors

“I won’t tell you anything about my salivary glands,” said Tom secretively.

Tom Swifties

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

Liberal: A man who feel’s it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.

Beliefs Definitions People

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

That guy in the White House, George Snuffleupagus.

Malaprops People

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Expressions Situations

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

People

“I’ve got to stop this motor,” Tom choked.

Tom Swifties

A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… when he joined Overeaters Anonymous and they make him a chapter.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Parking Meter: An automatic device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can’t get back before the time runs out.

Definitions Things

Not enough to say grace over.

Expressions Food/Drink