Author: Anonymous Page 46

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Alcohol Food/Drink Life

“I’ll take that”, said Tom appropriately.

Tom Swifties

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

They're a legend before their time.

Mixed metaphors

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Beliefs Proverbs

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Malaprops

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

“I don’t know any shanties,” said Tom unceasingly.

Tom Swifties

She is so old… she's in God's year book.

Age Exaggerations Old

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

Mixed metaphors

My purses were selling like wild cakes.

Mixed metaphors

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Grinning like the butcher's dog

Expressions

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

Definitions

I'd like to be a fish on the wall at that meeting.

Mixed metaphors

A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for an allowance and requests a loan.

Children Family

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time