Author: Anonymous Page 46

“I have writer’s block,” said Tom contritely.

Tom Swifties

English Channel: The BBC.

Definitions Entertainment Television

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

Insults Intelligence

Diplomat: A person who can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.

Definitions

Brat: A child who displays his pest manners.

Definitions

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Definitions

Advertising: That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of.

Communication Definitions

Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.

Definitions Music

Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Beer Science/Weather

It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

“Do you know the location?” asked Tom warily.

Tom Swifties

He was bothered mentally mainly by the physical plague.

Mixed metaphors

They tried to make me the escape goat.

Malaprops

Spanking: Stern punishment.

Definitions

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Characteristics People

You can’t go in there cold turkey with egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather