Author: Anonymous Page 46

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

Average: The poorest of the good and the best of the bad.

Definitions

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

“The phone reception here is excellent,” he said clearly.

Tom Swifties

It's as American as killing two birds with one apple pie.

Mixed metaphors

If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

Insults Intelligence

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

No two people in a car can agree on which window should be open… and how much.

Autos Things

“Zoos are a necessary evil, I think,” said Tom cagily.

Tom Swifties

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

“It’s homemade soup,” said Tom uncannily.

Tom Swifties

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

The flood damage was so bad they had to evaporate the city.

Malaprops

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mixed metaphors

If worse comes to shove

Mixed metaphors

Whistle: Wind having a narrow escape.

Definitions