Author: Anonymous Page 46

I could hear footprints.

Malaprops

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.

Tom Swifties

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

Men People

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.

Death Definitions

Ugly as stump full of spiders.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Inhibition: Being tied up in nots.

Definitions

If you could get it working I'd be internally grateful.

Malaprops

I thought she had persisted from corresponding with him.

Malaprops

“Wool is better than cotton,” Tom said sheepishly.

Tom Swifties

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

Necking: A passion fancy.

Definitions

Woman: A creature who is either making a fool out of man, or making a man out of a fool.

Definitions People

“I hear a brook,” Tom babbled.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.

Tom Swifties

Misconception: A pregnancy occurring while taking birth control pills.

Definitions