Author: Anonymous Page 46

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions

He's between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Mixed metaphors

Zipping one’s lips and throwing away the key

Mixed metaphors

“I don’t want to rewrite this in prose,” said Tom aversely.

Tom Swifties

Don't beat a dead horse in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

Bowling: Marbles for grown-ups.

Activities Definitions

Deterrence: The art of producing, in the mind of the enemy, the fear to attack.

Definitions

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Beliefs Proverbs

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Definitions People

He is so ugly… his doctor is a vet.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

He is so old… when he was in school they didn’t teach history!

Age Education Exaggerations Old School

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

“The girl has been kidnapped,” said Tom mistakenly.

Tom Swifties

Gardener: Someone who thinks that what goes down must come up.

Definitions

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations