Author: Anonymous Page 46

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions

He looked very thin and emancipated.

Appearance Body Malaprops

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex

Everybody and his dog was there.

Expressions People

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.

Tom Swifties

If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Mixed metaphors

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

There's light at the end of this rainbow.

Mixed metaphors

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch.

Democracy Government

We drove around and looked at some apartments, and then we looked at some condoms.

Malaprops

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Now that the ball is in our court, let's go for the touchdown.

Mixed metaphors

“My fellow Americans,” boomed Ronald Reagan, “I have just signed legislation to outlaw the state of Russia for ever…”

Tom Swifties

If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right.

Sex

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

“It’s an actual parameter, not a formal parameter,” was Tom’s argument.

Tom Swifties